Lay me under the sky of blue
beneath the heavenly bodies, which move
across the Sky in never ending dance.
Lay me beneath the flowering trees
who's leaves in spring unfold bright green
and turn orange in the passing of
the warmth of summer.
and leave the bare branches in winter cold.
Lay me below the flowers at dawn
which reflex the sky multi-colored array
so flowers above, in summer heat
would drip flagrance sweet over me.
Lay me under this green grass
beneath the roots, beneath the stones
below the feet of wondering men.
Lay me to sleep like the leaves of fall
piled in brown, unused masses.
lay me down to sleep, cover me well.
protect me, guard me, hover over me
as you did the dark water in thought
lay me down teach me thy peace
Tear me apart brick by brick
as a recking ball crashing through
a condemned building, falling down.
Tear into me, leave nothing standing.
make sure to scatter me to the wind
dig up my basement, wash it all way
Tear me down so only you remain.
fell me as a tree, skin my bark
lop off my branches, tear my leaves
cut me up and burn me in your fires
Tear me apart, part from part
tear me down. till nothing is there
tear me apart from everything else
tear me apart, teach me your power.
Gather me in as you would a child
who holds before you a hurt thumb
kiss it, mend it with a smile
Gather me into your lap as you
hug me and tell me the story of life
heal my fears, my pains, my bones
Gather me loosely, all of my parts
together, yet separate, like cream a top milk
Gather me under thy wings like a hen
pull me in and cover me up.
that I never loose track of your
wondrous love, your wondrous grace
Gather me out of my wild abandonment.
Gather me up off the floor of my despair
gather me in as you could all the stars.
as you can to all you have made
Gather me in teach me thy love.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
Apartment Hunting
So my lease is up Nov 15th. Which means right now, besides filling out applications to grad schools, I am apartment hunting. Right now I'm connecting with people through church and through craigslist to find somewhere to move too. The big questions is, which neighborhood do I want to end up in? I want to be in a better neighborhood, but here in Philadelphia that is a very relative. I would love to have thousands of dollars at my disposal so I could live in a amazing area like Rittenhouse Square, but I am still working temp. Yes my boss is still trying to bring me on full time. Yes I might have more money to play with in the future. No I will not have enough to live in most of the really nice places in Philly.
So for now I am looking at the areas I know are decent. Southwest Philly, Fairmount, and Fishtown. The winning apartment is going to be cheap, clean, with good roommates, and decent neighborhood. In another words a lot of bang for my buck. If anyone knows of a good place let me know!
So for now I am looking at the areas I know are decent. Southwest Philly, Fairmount, and Fishtown. The winning apartment is going to be cheap, clean, with good roommates, and decent neighborhood. In another words a lot of bang for my buck. If anyone knows of a good place let me know!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Beautiful
Dripping ever so slowly
violently dreaming downward
while a paint brush rushes
onwards to fix what
just is not right.
can you undo
all the good in your life?
Don't let them tell you you are not beautiful
whine just a little
blast away in the darkness
while a string cares forward
a bright little ditty
you never liked
can you destroy
all the joy in your heart?
Don't let them tell you you are not beautiful
twirl off tilter
plunge into the easy ways
while your feet try to follow
the path that is
harder to tread
can you extinguish
all the fight in your soul?
Don't let them tell you you are not beautiful
You are more beautiful then a morning
painted freely across the sky
more beautiful then the sound track
and the bird's thunderous reply
More beautiful then the dancing
of the stars in the heavens above
Don't let them tell you you are not beautiful
violently dreaming downward
while a paint brush rushes
onwards to fix what
just is not right.
can you undo
all the good in your life?
Don't let them tell you you are not beautiful
whine just a little
blast away in the darkness
while a string cares forward
a bright little ditty
you never liked
can you destroy
all the joy in your heart?
Don't let them tell you you are not beautiful
twirl off tilter
plunge into the easy ways
while your feet try to follow
the path that is
harder to tread
can you extinguish
all the fight in your soul?
Don't let them tell you you are not beautiful
You are more beautiful then a morning
painted freely across the sky
more beautiful then the sound track
and the bird's thunderous reply
More beautiful then the dancing
of the stars in the heavens above
Don't let them tell you you are not beautiful
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Birthday and Home
Today I am celebrating my birthday by working over 8hours, eating really good Chinese food for lunch, and filling out grad. applications tonight. The best part of it all is the Sour Bubble Tea that I'm drinking at the moment. The reason that I am working until 5:30 tonight is that I went home this past weekend to see my family and celebrate my birthday.
It started with me catching the bus from Philly to Syracuse (which is a new route by Mega Bus). I talked and laughed with the other people waiting in line, impatiently since the bus was late. Once the bus arrived, I was annoyed to find out that both the wi-fi and the electricity was not working, meaning I (1) could not get on the web and (2) that my mac ran out of juice about two hours into the four hour and twenty minutes trip. I arrived at Syracuse were my sister was waiting for me. We hugged and headed to the mall near by since I was dieing of hunger (having not eaten since breakfast and it being almost 1pm). Then we wondered around the mall a little, talking and doing a little shopping. My brothers, impatient to see me, kept calling to see where we were.
Once we got home I was practically mugged by the new puppy (a terrier/beagle mix), who luckily excepted me as part of the family right way. I hugged my dad, and then quickly ran to hide from my youngest brother who had come tearing out of the house. With much laughter and ridiculousness on the part of the dog and my brother we made our way into the house with all of my bags. While resting and waiting for the rest of the family to get home my dad and sister shared stories of the puppy, while my youngest brother showed me several of his newest card tricks (which I must say he is rather good at).
We had pizza for dinner (it was Papa Johns, not my favorite), in which more laughter was had then eating. I don't think it is possible for me to express the absolute craziness of my family and our dinner conversations. At one point my sister was laughing so hard that she was snorting (which is the normally the indication that we are being absolutely out of control and rather silly). After dinner I started some laundry and then left in the green monster (my parents old Chevy pickup) and went to see my best friend. We purchased a bottle of wine and drank through it while talking (we had not seen each other since May) and watched Misty Edwards 'search for relevance' message on YouTube. (You should check it out, its long but so worth it).
The next morning I ate breakfast and headed back to my parents to go shopping with my mom and sister. We also wanted to get our phone's figured out. After helping my mother organize and load the car with clothing to give to salvation army, we were on the road to Ithaca. Our first stop, At&t. Not only did I desperately need to get a new phone (my old one was four years old, falling a part, and dieing), we also had decided to add texting. Luckily we ended up with a 20% off, since my mum works for the City of Ithaca (amazing!). We had the most amazing customer support guy ever. I left we a new phone (which looks rather spiffy). Next was Walmart for water (we had forgotten to bring some with us), then off to Salvation Army with our boxes of clothing and other stuff. Finally we went up to the little Shops at Ithaca Mall and went shopping. My sister and I had fun picking out clothing for my Mom at Christopher and Banks. Then we went over to Gap to look for a birthday gift for myself. Amazingly we found nothing that I wants, the store was unfortunately not taken care of very well. Giving up we made our way back home to have lasagna and cake that my sister made.
After another rather reticules supper filled with good food, and laughter, was an amazing homemade cake for desert. Actually let me explain what the cake was, it was no normal cake. It was a dark chocolate cake with a hard Candie top made of white and milk chocolate. Then nicely arranged on top was raspberries and strawberries. It was amazing. Sorry if I made you all hungry, but it was better then I can describe it. Dinner and cake done we cleared the table, put the dishes in the dishwasher and started a game of pitch.
Pitch, for those of you who do not know it, is an amazingly fun game. Its in the same family as bridge. (If you want instructions on how to play I could maybe give you the basic rules, let me know). We played with partners, my sister and I together, the youngest brother with my mother and the elder brother with my dad. My sister and I won two games in a row (we are amazing like that). Then we all went off to bed (having church the next morning).
After church, during which I had a lot of 'its been a long time' and 'how are you?' thrown at me (it really is nice to see my church family I miss them all so much), we went home. At home my dad started the boys on chores (ie picking the winter squash out of the garden) and we all ate lunch (mostly left over chicken b-que). My father and I sat down and watched the beginning of the Texas/Giants game (in which the Giants were very much winning). I then went and had a very long and amazing nap. Then we had stake, beats, and squash for dinner (my best friend joined us), with the rest of the amazing cake for desert.
Monday I woke early and together left with both of my parents to make the trip back to philly. I had convinced my mother to join my dad and as I was hoping to do a little shopping (I still needed a B-day gift). We made the trip in good time (watching the fall colors flash by). We stopped at the Kind of Prussia mall, where we drooled over Burberry, ate lunch, made out like a bandit in Ann Taylor, and found an amazing rain jacket in Sears. Our shopping complete we jumped back on the road and arrived in Philly just before the start of rush hour. My parents helped me get my stuff out of the car and into the apartment (made fun of my messy room), and then left again. I took a quick nap, went grocery shopping, and made dinner and went to bed. All in all a very crazy, fun, and all around amazing weekend at home. Of course I am now 25 year old... meaning as my sister says 'quarter of a century young'. Any one else feeling old right now?
It started with me catching the bus from Philly to Syracuse (which is a new route by Mega Bus). I talked and laughed with the other people waiting in line, impatiently since the bus was late. Once the bus arrived, I was annoyed to find out that both the wi-fi and the electricity was not working, meaning I (1) could not get on the web and (2) that my mac ran out of juice about two hours into the four hour and twenty minutes trip. I arrived at Syracuse were my sister was waiting for me. We hugged and headed to the mall near by since I was dieing of hunger (having not eaten since breakfast and it being almost 1pm). Then we wondered around the mall a little, talking and doing a little shopping. My brothers, impatient to see me, kept calling to see where we were.
Once we got home I was practically mugged by the new puppy (a terrier/beagle mix), who luckily excepted me as part of the family right way. I hugged my dad, and then quickly ran to hide from my youngest brother who had come tearing out of the house. With much laughter and ridiculousness on the part of the dog and my brother we made our way into the house with all of my bags. While resting and waiting for the rest of the family to get home my dad and sister shared stories of the puppy, while my youngest brother showed me several of his newest card tricks (which I must say he is rather good at).
We had pizza for dinner (it was Papa Johns, not my favorite), in which more laughter was had then eating. I don't think it is possible for me to express the absolute craziness of my family and our dinner conversations. At one point my sister was laughing so hard that she was snorting (which is the normally the indication that we are being absolutely out of control and rather silly). After dinner I started some laundry and then left in the green monster (my parents old Chevy pickup) and went to see my best friend. We purchased a bottle of wine and drank through it while talking (we had not seen each other since May) and watched Misty Edwards 'search for relevance' message on YouTube. (You should check it out, its long but so worth it).
The next morning I ate breakfast and headed back to my parents to go shopping with my mom and sister. We also wanted to get our phone's figured out. After helping my mother organize and load the car with clothing to give to salvation army, we were on the road to Ithaca. Our first stop, At&t. Not only did I desperately need to get a new phone (my old one was four years old, falling a part, and dieing), we also had decided to add texting. Luckily we ended up with a 20% off, since my mum works for the City of Ithaca (amazing!). We had the most amazing customer support guy ever. I left we a new phone (which looks rather spiffy). Next was Walmart for water (we had forgotten to bring some with us), then off to Salvation Army with our boxes of clothing and other stuff. Finally we went up to the little Shops at Ithaca Mall and went shopping. My sister and I had fun picking out clothing for my Mom at Christopher and Banks. Then we went over to Gap to look for a birthday gift for myself. Amazingly we found nothing that I wants, the store was unfortunately not taken care of very well. Giving up we made our way back home to have lasagna and cake that my sister made.
After another rather reticules supper filled with good food, and laughter, was an amazing homemade cake for desert. Actually let me explain what the cake was, it was no normal cake. It was a dark chocolate cake with a hard Candie top made of white and milk chocolate. Then nicely arranged on top was raspberries and strawberries. It was amazing. Sorry if I made you all hungry, but it was better then I can describe it. Dinner and cake done we cleared the table, put the dishes in the dishwasher and started a game of pitch.
Pitch, for those of you who do not know it, is an amazingly fun game. Its in the same family as bridge. (If you want instructions on how to play I could maybe give you the basic rules, let me know). We played with partners, my sister and I together, the youngest brother with my mother and the elder brother with my dad. My sister and I won two games in a row (we are amazing like that). Then we all went off to bed (having church the next morning).
After church, during which I had a lot of 'its been a long time' and 'how are you?' thrown at me (it really is nice to see my church family I miss them all so much), we went home. At home my dad started the boys on chores (ie picking the winter squash out of the garden) and we all ate lunch (mostly left over chicken b-que). My father and I sat down and watched the beginning of the Texas/Giants game (in which the Giants were very much winning). I then went and had a very long and amazing nap. Then we had stake, beats, and squash for dinner (my best friend joined us), with the rest of the amazing cake for desert.
Monday I woke early and together left with both of my parents to make the trip back to philly. I had convinced my mother to join my dad and as I was hoping to do a little shopping (I still needed a B-day gift). We made the trip in good time (watching the fall colors flash by). We stopped at the Kind of Prussia mall, where we drooled over Burberry, ate lunch, made out like a bandit in Ann Taylor, and found an amazing rain jacket in Sears. Our shopping complete we jumped back on the road and arrived in Philly just before the start of rush hour. My parents helped me get my stuff out of the car and into the apartment (made fun of my messy room), and then left again. I took a quick nap, went grocery shopping, and made dinner and went to bed. All in all a very crazy, fun, and all around amazing weekend at home. Of course I am now 25 year old... meaning as my sister says 'quarter of a century young'. Any one else feeling old right now?
Split in Two
My heart is split in two
One half lives as ever a child
wide eyed, impatient, lovingly kind
eger to dream of pirates and daisies
dreaming lazily away with the clouds
the other lives in the future
a dark place where grown-ups live
where the foolishness of a child
quivers and dies like a rose covered in frost
where such things as planning
work, money, and worries abound.
My heart is split in two
one half lives in the house of a child
the other in the world filled with cares
one wishes that things would never change
the other changes quickly and forgets
one like the springtime full of wonder.
one like the fall, growing ever colder.
yet together they dream, together wish
of a place not of this world, no
rather of a world to which my soul
Belongs.
So my heart wishes to grow older
yet can not relinquish its childish wizdom
my soul longs for something far greater
longs for completion, longs for love
for I am not of this world
So for now I am split in two.
One half lives as ever a child
wide eyed, impatient, lovingly kind
eger to dream of pirates and daisies
dreaming lazily away with the clouds
the other lives in the future
a dark place where grown-ups live
where the foolishness of a child
quivers and dies like a rose covered in frost
where such things as planning
work, money, and worries abound.
My heart is split in two
one half lives in the house of a child
the other in the world filled with cares
one wishes that things would never change
the other changes quickly and forgets
one like the springtime full of wonder.
one like the fall, growing ever colder.
yet together they dream, together wish
of a place not of this world, no
rather of a world to which my soul
Belongs.
So my heart wishes to grow older
yet can not relinquish its childish wizdom
my soul longs for something far greater
longs for completion, longs for love
for I am not of this world
So for now I am split in two.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Its So Monday
Its cold, rainy, windy, and rather gross outside at the moment. Its definably fall. My ride into work this morning was rather chilly, despite bundling up. Annoyingly by the time I got to work I was sweaty. Thankfully its be kind of slow most of the day here at work, although I had a meeting this morning. And I'm very grateful that I get to go home to my parents house this weekend.
For those of you wondering I made it through the GRE. Afterward my brain felt made of mush. It took me until Sunday to feel like I could actually think straight. The problem is that I went straight from Test mode to I really want to go on vacation mode. So the problem today is at least part of my brain is already at home, hanging out with the fam and meeting the puppy (which they have had for almost four months). The joke I have with my brothers is that my brain travels more then I do. I used to ask my little brother were is was and he would answer somewhere crazy, like Iceland, China, or my favorite hitchhiking in Ohio. But as nice as it is to be able to travel all over the world, I would really love to just go home and see my family.
For those of you wondering I made it through the GRE. Afterward my brain felt made of mush. It took me until Sunday to feel like I could actually think straight. The problem is that I went straight from Test mode to I really want to go on vacation mode. So the problem today is at least part of my brain is already at home, hanging out with the fam and meeting the puppy (which they have had for almost four months). The joke I have with my brothers is that my brain travels more then I do. I used to ask my little brother were is was and he would answer somewhere crazy, like Iceland, China, or my favorite hitchhiking in Ohio. But as nice as it is to be able to travel all over the world, I would really love to just go home and see my family.
Just
Just don't move, don't breath, don't make a sound
Just hold it in, block it in, keep it all inside
Just let the darkness over run your heart and mind
Just don't move, don't breath, don't make a sound
Just scream in silence, just run without moving
Just keep dreaming, just keep on not doing
Just let the darkness control you emotions
Just scream in silence, just run without moving
Just stay away from all the sunlight
Just stay away from all the hope filled crazies
Just keep on dreaming, just don't do 'nothing
Just stay away from all the sunlight
Just don't let anyone in
Just don't let anyone in
Just don't let anyone in
They'll see what really in you heart
Just don't move, don't breath, don't make a sound
Just scream in silence, just run without moving
Just stay away from all the sunlight
Just don't let anyone in, and you'll be alright.
But you'll not feel any love
Your heart a stone, unable to break
Just able to get by, you'll never live
Just don't let anyone in, and you'll be alright.
Just hold it in, block it in, keep it all inside
Just let the darkness over run your heart and mind
Just don't move, don't breath, don't make a sound
Just scream in silence, just run without moving
Just keep dreaming, just keep on not doing
Just let the darkness control you emotions
Just scream in silence, just run without moving
Just stay away from all the sunlight
Just stay away from all the hope filled crazies
Just keep on dreaming, just don't do 'nothing
Just stay away from all the sunlight
Just don't let anyone in
Just don't let anyone in
Just don't let anyone in
They'll see what really in you heart
Just don't move, don't breath, don't make a sound
Just scream in silence, just run without moving
Just stay away from all the sunlight
Just don't let anyone in, and you'll be alright.
But you'll not feel any love
Your heart a stone, unable to break
Just able to get by, you'll never live
Just don't let anyone in, and you'll be alright.
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