Thanksgiving

The only time I really get a chance to go home is for the Holidays. Thanksgiving and Christmas mainly. Sometimes I get to go home for other reasons, but mostly its just the Holidays. Last week I got to spend a ton of time with my family and a little time with friends. I helped paint my sisters room, hurt myself while running the turkey trot 5k, ate way too much food, went bowling and even got to do a little shopping. 

The great thing about going home is that I can kind of unplug for a little bit. Sure my parents have internet and even dish TV, but its a very different tempo at home. In one way things are so much slower. When you are out of the city, life itself seems to be more of a crawl then the sprint. And yet in other ways being at home seems like a race. Normally I am trying to see and do as much as I can while I'm at home. I want to see as many friends as I can (I always fail at seeing everyone), and do as much as possible. Its almost as if I do more work when I go home on 'vacation' then I do when I'm in Philadelphia. Sure Philly runs at a faster pace then middle of no where Groton in upstate NY. Philly is all go, go, go. Groton is a small town without a traffic light (yes they still don't have a light in the village, lots of stop signs, no light). 

But in someways comparing the tempo of Philly to Groton, is kind of like comparing a Foxtrot to a Tango. Both can be fast paced, it really depends on the music. Having a whole week at home was kind of like having a change of music and different lighting. Somethings at home really make you stop and take a break, like the fact that you can actually see the stars. 

And yet the busyness of the cities is really the busyness of everywhere. The TV shows are the same, the internet and cell phones have made communication the same. Cars make transportation the same, traffic might be less in upstate, but you have to go further to find things. The world used to be this huge place in which people felt small. Now the world seems small. 

I love being at home, but the foxtrot was never really my dance. There is still a part of me that remembers its steps and hums the music, but most of me has changed over to the tango... I mean come on who doesn't want to tango? 

Late Night Creativity (or really early mornings)

There was a moment sometime yesterday night (well it was actually this morning to be honest, really early this morning), when I was trying to decide if I should keep writing the story I am in the middle of, or if I should go to bed. Now there are several things that should have made it easy for me to go to bed. (1) I was tired, (2) I am dealing with my lovely cold still and a very runny nose (thankfully the throat is feeling better), (3) my hand was really sore and cramping up from writing so much, and (4) It was 2 am. However, despite all of these really good reasons that should have made me go to bed, I was in a pickle. 

Artist live on little sleep. I know it seems cliche. We see pictures of a painter late at night agonizing over that last brush stroke and the composer writing the last bar in candle light. If you watch too many movies (like I do), all the best art seems to take place at night. Shakespeare finishes his greatest play when the moon is about to set. Mozart is writing his last piece in the candle light. When I was in college matinees seems strange because they were in the middle of the day and theatre was suppose to be at night. I'm not sure if there is something scientific about the creative brain that makes it lean towards work late at night, but I am sure someone could test it and prove that it is something to do with how the right side of the brain works.

So last night as I was trying to decide what I should do, the choice came down to which cold medicine should I take. Nyquil would make me sleepy and very groggy the next morning (making that five hours later when I needed to be up very difficult). But if I took the regular decongestant I knew I would not sleep, instead I could keep writing. I hate stopping my creative juices from flowing. Even when I was in college I had a hard time balancing sleep with that huge paper I needed to get finished. Luckly I tend to be able to pick things up where I leave them, as long as I make sure that I keep at least part of my mind on it. And to be honest I was a little stuck (I get stuck a lot when I write). 

So Nyquil it was. Sleep won out over my creativity. My cold and sore hand and the 2am hour, worked against every little bit of me that just really wanted to keep on writing. I wonder what Shakespeare did when he was in the mist of the story. Could he stop? Did he write until he no longer could keep his eyes open and his hand could no longer hold a quill? I do wonder if all artists find themselves working best late at night. Are all artists night owls because of their creativity? 

Fall Cold

I offically have a fall cold. My tonsels are swollen, my nose is running, my sinuses very full. My throat is scratchy. I'm even a little achy. Yesterday I was feeling a little out of it, but I figured it was just my allergies having one last hurrah before winter, after all I spend a couple of days deep cleaning my room, which was sure to knock a lot of dust into the air. If only it was just my allergies. It seems without fail I tend to get sick at least one a year. Its never really bad enough to keep me in bed all day (I had full blow pneumonia once and was still playing soccer). However, when I get a cold I can be a very bad patient (like still playing soccer while sick).

So today I have decided to not go for a run. I'm going to drink a lot of orange juice and tea. I'm going to make myself soup for lunch, and I'm going to get over this stupid cold before then end of the week. I even took nyquil last night (I'm never actually sure if it helps or makes things worse). At least I can still breath out of my nose... that is normally the first thing to go.

And at least part of me just wants to yell "MOM" and let her fix it. Of course that would mean a four hour trip. And I'm going homewards this weekend for Thanksgiving. Maybe I'll be better by then. I hope I'm better by then.

I HATE BEING SICK!

The Choice of Everyone

(The below poem is from reading too many Medieval plays, like Everyman. It is in a way meant to be played out, with different characters. I might expand this into more of a play at some point, but I kind of like it in poem format.)


Gather 'round, Gather 'round
listen in and listen well
For we're about to share
a well earned trip to hell
were it not for strange grace
So gather 'round listen well

So gather 'round
listen and watch
As our well loved Everyone
transverses this terrestrial ball
and talks to his vices and virtues all
Everyone pay close attention

For Everyone is judged
judged as only Truth can judge
Come Truth tell us what you see
Gather 'round and tell us
how should we judge?

Truth Answers
"Oh how can I judge
all though the truth I am
my verdict is death
death and separation
for that is the justice
Everyone deserves

"Yet I tell you all
death deserved
does not mean
to death condemned
for all make a choice
and that choice
their bondage
or death surmised"

Oh Truth how real
how justice and right
for in deeds only one
only one is important
but what choice?
Oh what choice
will our dear Everyone make?

Come thou vices dreaded
Come thou virtues embolden
For Everyone must choose
what would you have him do?

The Vices Answer Together
"Oh why must he choose?
Would it not be better
to not have to decide?"

Pride adds
"And why must we
why must we decide?
Who made Truth
the only, the only Truth?"

The other Vices join in
"Yes! Pride, how right
what makes Truth
the only Truth."

The Virtues Answer Together
"But even not choosing
is a choice in its self
Everything is a choice"

Meek Adds
"And is it not God
who created Truth
who created Everyone
Is it not God
who gives us Truth
And names it Truth"

The other Virtues Join in
"Yes! Meek, how right
God, the holy one,
makes Truth, true"

Everyone answers,
"Then a Choice to make
but what choice is there?
How can I choose
anything other then what I am?
Is not all meant to die?"

The Virtues cry
"No! no and yes
For all must die
but some can
some can gain
For through death
comes more life."

Love Adds
"death is not an end"

Joy Sings
"Death has no power"

The Virtues join in
"Death has no sting
When the choice is made
from death comes life"

The Vices cry
"No! how is that possible?
Once you are dead,
You are dead!"

Hate adds
"Death is to be hated"

Bitter whispers
"Death is to be avoided"

 The Vices join in
"Death is coming
Why not run the other way?
Who wants to die?"

Truth Answers
"Fools, all die.
None, none live
all must die
does not the grass die
to feed the lamb?
Does not the lamb die
to feed Everyone?
Fools, all die

But life is given
to those willing to die
to those who choose."

The Virtues Sing
"Amen!"

Everyone wonders
"Could this be true?
Through death comes life?
How can one know?
How can one be sure?"

Truth answers
"Everyone, you know
you know the answer
the questions you ask
come from your knowledge
Did not you sit at the knee of your mother?
Did not you read the words of the Book?
Everyone the answer is belief
Belief in that which
you know, but don't understand."

The Vices laugh
Belief?! Ha,
what is faith?
How can belief save?
How can you be sure?
Is it not better to enjoy
enjoy this life?
Live to the fullest!
Do what what you want!
Faith is a cage,
Belief a prison
Have fun, let go
Why waste time on Faith?

The Virtues answer
Sin is the prison
self is the cage
only belief and faith
in the true one saves
Life in its fullest
is a life of belief
Joy comes only from
one place.
Trying to live apart
only leads to disgrace...

Death Calls out
Come what is the choice?
death is not patient
Death is not kind
I come for a soul
For all shall be mine
Virtues and Vices
silence your tongues
Truth hold back your verdict
Till the time comes.
Everyone! speak
what do you choose?

Everyone Answers
I know which answer
is first in my heart
for sin has hold
even as I try to depart
but my first love
has called my name
and although I should fear
no fear have I
For Death where is thy Sting?
Oh where thy bite?
I call on the one
whom you could not keep
Who took your keys
and opened the gate
Truth be my witness
show my debt filled
No deed of mine did it
for Love came calling
and I answered.

Death speaks
Good Everyone
then as a friends
we shall go
for with no fear
you have answered
and the power
you call on is greater

Virtues sing
To heaven we go singing
For Everyone has answered!
The choice is made
the prison is empty
come, come!
sing and dance with thanksgiving
Friends we go onwards

The Vices lament
Come back,
oh why would you go?
Your pain should keep you
Your sin our own
Come share our prison
come share our hurt
Come back!
oh why would you go?

Gather 'round, Gather 'round

listen in and listen well

For we're about to share

a well earned trip to hell

were it not for strange grace

So gather 'round listen well

Big Changes

There are times when you have big changes in your life. Normally this causes some kind fear or perhaps excitement (maybe both). Sometimes changes actually break you down and you have a hard time dealing with anything. Fear can over run your life and totally box you in. Or in your excited you do so much that you wear yourself out.

Little changes tend to not make that big of a impact. There might be a little fear, but we laugh at it. A little excitement, but its not enough to really get us going. Little changes sometimes pass you by and you don't even know they are happening.

Today I'm dealing with a huge change. Not just a little one with little fears. A huge, scary, change. True I have know for sometime it was going to happen. True I have braced myself for this day. Amazingly the fear has not fully hit me yet, neither has the excitement. I think somehow my mind knows the change has happened, but it has not processed it yet. Or maybe I already processes it. I was expecting that I would be freaking out by now. But no. I'm calm. I'm ok. I'm happily writing on my blog. Stranger things have happened.

Probably the most amazing thing about all this is how much peace I feel. Yes, the nervousness is still hanging on the fringes of my mind. Yes, my stomach is tight with expectation (and hunger, I really should eat breakfast before 10am). But I was expecting insanity and craziness and fear and horrible things. Instead I have the fear and excitement of a little change. Maybe it just has not sunk in yet. We shall see.

Here is to Big Changes... and no fear.