Easter

I had one of those 'don't want to get out of bed' mornings this morning. I should have wanted to go to church. Its Easter! Kids hunting for eggs and fellowship with fellow Christians. But this morning I had to dragged myself out of bed in order to get to church on time. I'm glad I went of course. I have found over the years that the days I least feel like going to church, are the days that I really need to go. 

I still feel like I'm hovering slightly out of sync with the world at the moment. I think the main cause for this is that I am still processing several things that have happened this past week. I found out Wednesday that I will be starting a job on the 11th. Friday I went to my first ever Passover Seder at one of my roommates parents. Saturday I delivered meals to the needy in Philly. I'm excited, nervous, scared, and hopeful about the job. I still feel very impacted by the Passover Seder and really wished I could read Hebrew. And I can't seem to get the look of one women we gave a meal to yesterday. Nor the realization of how little impact/knowledge I have of the poor and needy in Philly. 

There is too much in my head this year. I came to church this morning, not sure what to pray about nor how to put everything running around my head in order. I was a mixture of joy, blessing, questions, hopes, dreams, fears, despair, and dejection. I feel like I just can't do enough, but that I am also doing too much. I'm even to the point of not really knowing what to write.

So this Easter, as much as I have been looking forward to it. I also feel like somehow I was not ready for it. I feel like I have been blessed, but also that I have been give a kind of shock. And I have no idea how to balance the two.