I'm Back!

Holidays are always crazy. I went home via MegaBus on Wednesday and came back Saturday late afternoon. Thanksgiving was good, as per tradition I ate too much and I made two of the pies. Actually my sister and I did a lot of the cooking this time. She made the squash rolls, I did two pies and the cranberry relish/salad. Mom did the stuffing and Turkey this year (which I did last year). Between the three of us we are getting really good at cooking together... although the kitchen is very small. The best thing was that one of my best friends ever came and had dinner with us.

The next day I slept in (a lot) and hung around the house most of the morning. Then as a family we went to see Tangled (amazing!). I don't remember the last time we all went to the movie theatre... it was so much fun. Then we all went back home made/ate dinner and played Pitch afterwards. Saturday morning I woke up a little later then I should have and packed everything up. Around 11 my mum, sister, and I left for Philly. Once in Philly we went to TraderJoe's, then to my apartment. We went for a little walk and made dinner (salmon and asparagus). After dinner and dishes, we went to Anthropologie and wondered around the store ooohing and ahhhhing at things and wishing that we had money. After going through the whole store we headed back to my apartment and went to bed. Sunday morning my mum and sister left (my sister left her pillow). All in a all a very nice holiday, although my check this next week is going to be horrible.

The best thing is just being back at my apartment, I love being home, but it is always too crazy. Now I just have to catch up on my sleep. Anyone else need a holiday from their holiday?

Oh and I got my phone replaced, using my mums old one. ATT is amazing and gave me a free new sim card!! Just lost all my contacts, which sucks.

Love Me?

Your eyes are green, your hair is brown
you're taller then me, your better looking
your heart is big, and your soul is clean
could you exist, could you love me?

You're good with children, have a good family
You'll love my mom, and respect my dad
You'll be good at fixing things, a good handy man
could you exist, could you love me?

My shopping list is growing,
I wish that I could create you
make you exactly as I want you
but mostly I just want you.
could you exist, could you love me?
love me?

Thanksgiving

Tomorrow I am going home for Thanksgiving. I am super excited about this. Thanksgiving is a family time. And of course I have not seen my family in a month. I hate going so long without seeing them. But it is also just a good time to go home. I think my body is so used to going home at this time of year. All though school I always went home for Thanksgiving. So now that I am away from home, I just want to go home. So I might not do a lot of posting the rest of the week. Just a heads up.

Lost Cell Phone

Well this is a great way to start my Week! Sunday I went and saw Harry Potter at the Franklin Institutes Imax Dome. The movie was amazing... the dome was cool. Everything was honky dorry, that is until I got home and realized I did not have my cell phone. I had the cell phone right before the movie. So I either left at the theatre, or I lost it on the bike ride home (which is unlikely). My hope is that it is at the movie theatre. I have called the Franklin Institute twice and left messages for the people at the lost and found.

The good thing is that when I look online at ATT, no phone calls have been made on my phone (which I take as a good sign). Its just really scary that I don't have a phone. And it worse if I have to get a new one (I so do not have the money). What an amazingly bad start to my week. Wonderful....

Winter is Coming

Red leaves flicker, golden red candles, dancing with winds fingers
Grey clouds linger, down filled pillows, whipped with winds thoughts
Green grass withers, crumpled scrap paper, gathered with winds help
blue sky hovers, a gull never resting, unchanged by the winds blows
Fall gently fades, a rose frost covered, fleeing the winds chill
Winter is coming, bones they tell me, and wind laughs in the trees.

One Year

This November marks my one year Anniversary of moving to Philly. I signed my lease on the 15th and moved in the weekend after. It does seem a little strange that I have been in the City that long. I've done three shows (all with Dawson Street Dramatic Society). I found a church, a community, and a job (although its still temp right now) :-(

The funny thing is that most people I know are not from Philly. True I do know a good bunch who all grew up in various neighborhoods in Philly. But the big majority of people I know grew up outside the city. It seems to be a rather transient place. People love and hate Philly, much in the same way people love and hate where ever they are living. Philly has its perks and its problems. Yet over the year it has become home. I really do love this city. I love its heart beat, its problems, its people. I want to touch my neighbors, fix the problems.

I kind of wonder what everyone else feels about Philly? What are your favorite spots in Philly, for shopping, eating, grocery shopping, etc? Your favorite neighborhood?

For me I love West Philly, kind of because that is were I ended up by default. If I had to choice another it would be the Fairmount/Art museum area or around Rittenhouse Square. Favorite shopping spot is around Rittenhouse Square (but I can't afford anything over there *cough* Anthropologie *cough*). My favorite place to eat is hard, it depends on the food. Although I really like Jack's Firehouse, on Fairmount. Favorite grocery store, Trader Joe's.

Comment back with your favorites...

Playing Matchmaker

I received the most hilarious email from my Grandmother today. It seems that my grandparents met a family that has a son who is 25, tall dark and handsome (and a marine). Basically she is playing Matchmaker, or was asking permission to be a matchmaker.

I'm getting used to this. I am a single 25 year old. Everyone is trying to play matchmaker. And of course the fact that I have never had a boy-friend (unless you count the many I had in kinder garden and 1st grade), makes people think they need to help me out. Its not that I am not interested, I am, I'm just picky.

Historically I would be married by now or considered an old maid. Matchmaking is old too, although my favorite 'matchmaking' characters are all from novels or plays. And of course one of my favorite musicals has a whole song about Matchmaking. 'Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch' (Fiddler on the Roof). Of course now a days we have electrical matchmakers, who find people based on 'combatiblity' and looks. There are so many match making services online that it is scary (And I don't plan to ever use them).

I'm not sure where I am going with all this, but I did find it rather hilarious to have my Grandmother playing Matchmaker (Although if I was reading this is a book, I feel like it would make a great start to a romance novel, hmmm).

Pure Hell

(The following I wrote after reading CS Lewis' The Great Divorce, and listening to an amazing sermon by Geoff Bradford at Liberti Church on the Parable of the rich man and Lazarus.)

Welcome to Hell, its pure and simple and void
Devils all wear white, but their feet are dirty
like a child who went puddle stomping
And their nails are long and dirty too
Teeth like those of a wolf, pointed, sharp
And their smile is more of a snarl
And their laughter gets under your skin
Welcome to Hell, you all want to be here
After all why give up, what makes you you?

There is no fire, no brimstone, no red walls
rather its dank and half lit and full of fear
Surely it would be better if it was easy torture
Rather it is a burning within, the lack of light
The choice to stay away, to stay down.
Welcome to Hell, you made it you know
You made this dank hole, you made your choice
Welcome to Hell, its pure and simple and void
Of the God you hate, of the God you don't want

Heaven is impossible for me to imagine
Too glorious for my words to describe it right
Heaven is Pure love, Pure light, Pure Beauty
Heaven is where you lose yourself and find
find that which you had in you all along
Heaven is glorious, wondrous, holy
Heaven is better then an imagination can supply

Hell is pure in its depravity, hell is void of all right
You might argue that there are no right or wrong answers
Argue that everything is varied in degrees
you might say that good and bad are just words
but they are true realities, there is such a thing
as pure black and pure white.
I do not believe in realities...
And thus, I believe in a pure horrible Hell
And thus, I believe in a pure glorious Heaven.

Moving...

I always seem to forget how much stuff I have. I have more clothing then I really need. I have pictures, books, DVDs, statues, and other random things. I have a dresser, a wash stand, a desk, a stand up mirror, a bed (frame, box spring, and mattress), desk chair, two other wooden chairs (one with cushions), two wire shelving units, a covered clothing rack a coat rack, a small side table, a folding card table, a bike, and two book cases. Yesterday I had to move all of that stuff to a new apartment. Lucky for me I had four really amazing friends to help me. We had everything into the truck then moved into the new apartment in less then four hours.

Of course now I have to organize and unpack it all. Well I got a lot of it unpacked yesterday. I only have to unpack books and and organize my desk. Then I can start decorating. But I've digressed, let me get back to the fact that I have too much stuff. I feel like life should be a whole lot more simple. So I really need all that clothing? Do I really need all of this stuff? There are people out there who don't even have a roof over their head, or food to eat. Even though I am a poor, in American terms, I have a ton more than I need. I guess having to pack and move it all made me realize how lucky I am.

Take Me to a Place Where I Belong

I have no place on this sphere to call home
my soul does not belong here
On this plain my body does stand
But my soul does not belong here
I stumble blindly flesh and bone
'cause my soul does not belong here
And if I am not able to be whole here
my soul must belong else where

Bring me together, make me one
Take me to a place where I belong
My body, mind, soul, and heart cry out
Take my strength, my thought, my love
take each part of me, tear me down
take me to that place where I belong
For my soul does not belong here.

Anger I feel, love and jealousy too
my heart breaks for somewhere else
And strength will fade, my body melt
still my heart breaks for somewhere else
This sphere, this plain, is harsh and cold
and my heart breaks for somewhere else
So if I am unable to be whole here
O my heart will keep on a'breaking

Bring me together, make me one
take me to a place where I belong
My body, mind, soul and heart cry out
take my strength, my thought, my love
take each part of me, tear me down
take me to the place where I belong
for my heart breaks for somewhere else.

And in this place, where a vale hides your face
where we wait, (we wait, we wait)
Do not forget, come like the thief
And steal us all away, Oh Lord, steal us all away.

Bring me together, make me one
take me to a place where I belong
My body, mind, soul, and heart cry out
take my strength, my thought, my love
take each part of me, tear me down
take me to the place where I belong
for my soul does not belong here
my heart breaks for somewhere else
for my soul does not belong here
and my heart breaks for somewhere else

Blue Painted Devils

Woad we mix with ash, ash from our dead, ash to remind us how they died
Blue its color, deeper then the day's clear sky, brighter then twilight's
Lines across our faces and bodies, marks of our resolve, our revenge
We are off to battle a steel bodied army, men who stole our souls
Like the wolves which round these delves and glens roam
Wolves that howl in darkness of night and hunt by scent of blood
We howl in pain for our dead and crave the blood of those who murdered them
Like wraths we run o'er this stone ground driven by souls themselves
Like the wolves we smell their blood, and it quickens our feet
Upon them we will bring a destruction, upon them we will bring death
We send them back to the gods that sent them.
And they will call us the Blue Painted Devils, and fear us, fear us
Woad we mix with ash, ash from our dead, ash to remind us how they died
Soon they're murders will remember too, will feel our pain as their own.

The Battle

Upon the northern marches
a cold wind blows a warning
The birds and beast heed only
searching out nests and holes
and all around the mountains
where mist covers valleys
And trees are bent sentries
The clouds shift over the sun
And build far up into the sky
A south wind dances wildly
smelling of warm sun
with memories of cinnamon
Chased off by the northern gale
which brings the first march
through the valleys deep
and over the mountains high
While off to the South another
gathers in strength to meet it
Again the South wind taunts
And again the North wind answers
Slowly the two giant clouds gather
Sit on the top of the mountain ring
hover over the valley
over which the battle will unfold
The Southern group, folds itself up
and whips up to the west
blocking the sun's late day light
while the North flanks to the east
Together they crash and fight
they mount higher up the sky
darkness covers the valley
its grasses follow the dancing winds
which whorl and crash together
Rain floods down, blood or tears
of the great beast fighting above
Together they fight, until one cloud
One huge beast emerges.
South becomes North
North becomes South
The torment inside unseen only felt
Till off to the South the winds dance
And the beast, the giant
moves to follow them.
Across the mountains it marches
its wind laughing in terror or jest
Behind the terror of the battle
lessens, as it moves away
the mists again gather
and cover the damage
a white cloud, a ghost
which knows well what
has happened in the sky
the mountains are unmoved
the valleys deeper or wetter
gather the mists as a blanket
and a soft eastern wind
caresses the fallen guard trees
calls the beast from their holes, nests
Well upon the Northern marches
a lonely northern wind calls
crys for its fallen brethren
sings for the many fallen
foretells the battles to come.

Packing

Last night I signed a sublease agreement and I paid the security deposit too. So this Sunday I am moving. Its only a move of about 10 or 11 blocks. It takes about 20 mins to walk there from where I now live. The new apartment is nice, clean, new kitchen and bathroom. There is a dishwasher, washer, and dryer. I'm in general very happy! The fun part is packing. I hate packing. I hate having to organize everything and somehow move it all. I'm glad that I have a couple of friends to help me out. Its not like I have a ton of stuff, but every time I move I think I have too much (I probably do have too much). Could be interesting. Hopefully I have a couple of people with strong muscles to help carry some of the stuff down the stair to the van and then from the van into the new room.

What is going to take the most time is packing it all up and cleaning the apartment. I have to clean the whole apartment by myself. I really need to wash the floors in the kitchen and bathroom, plus all the other things that really need to be cleaned. Basically the next four nights and all of Saturday I will be cleaning and packing. Should be interesting. Hopefully I can figure it all out so that Sunday is relatively easy. Wish me luck!

Orange

Citrus crisp and sour
Green on the tree
washed brighter
cut you in half
and squeeze out
juice to drink
in mornings
Or sections pealed
with bright fruit
and juice dripping
down my chin.

Begining of a Story (The Light Clan's Dark Daughter).

(This is something I have been working on for a little while... thought you all might enjoy the beginning... more to come. The title is still in the works).

The castle was full of sunlight, after the darkness of her father's mansion. Marcus, one of the many servants was leading her through the halls she knew by heart to the throne room. White marble covered every surface, the walls the floor, each step. The ceilings and windows alone showed a difference, in one room rose wood, another gold leaf. She wished that it was darker, like her father's. Darkness would be easier to hide in. Darkness would mask the mood which she was sure shown in this bright place. Even Marcus could tell she was troubled, though he would never dare to speak. The labyrinth walk ended before two enormous oak doors, carved with the symbols of the king's household.

She took a deep breath as Marcus opened the doors with a flourish. Prince James turned with a smile, his father was hiding one, she could read it in his eyes.
"Lady Marianissa" She bowed, Marcus closed the doors behind her, she jumped as they slammed closed behind her. Standing aimlessly around the room were the king's advisers. The king motioned for her to move forward.
"I'm told Lady, that you have a message for us?"
"Yes sire, and a name. But both are for your ears, meaning yourself and the prince's, no one else."
"A message and a name? Who from?" the king motioned for the others to leave. Thankfully they trusted her or thought they could. Lord Bondmic had the nerve to wink at her, he would not be winking later. She waited till everyone had left than took a couple of more steps toward the throne.
"The message is of course from my father." She paused James was staring at her in that annoying way of his that she both hated and loved. "the name is one I think you already know."
"And must we hear the message first?" the king was light hearted today, she had that effect on both of them. If only they knew what kind of danger they were in.
"You may hear them in which ever order you wish." The king pertended to ponder for a moment. Marianissa did not mind the order. Although she hoped they would want the name first, somehow she figured it would make it easier. After all the message was more like an action a final and very complete action.
"I think we'll hear the name first." Marianissa smiled, how was it that she knew he would want the name first?
"Nissandra Diana Messadria" James looked quickly at his father in shock, she had expected his look. The king's was harder to judge. the king was the only one she wondered about, did he know or guess who she was? Was he the only one who guessed the truth of her blood?
"how do you know that name?" James whispered.
"Perhaps we should ask for the message before we ask questions." The king was still impossible to read. But than again Marianissa knew that he could not read her either.
"Are the message and the name connected?" James asked, he had stopped flirting with her, which always meant he felt the situation had gotten serious. She felt the dagger at her side, they were almost to the point that she would put it to the kings throat. "Maria?" Only the king ever called her by her full name. Her father called her nissa, James, Maria, but than again it was not her true name.
"They are connected, though my father did not plan the connection." She did not speak directly to James, her feelings for him were already making this difficult. For a brief moment she saw a bloody dagger protruding from the chest of Lord Baron, the man she had killed in order to get this close to both the king and his son.
"One more questions my dear before I have you give me the message. Does your father know that name?" The king was very eager for this answer. He leaned forward, eyes gleaming. Marianissa took a couple of steps forward, it was the perfect excuse, to get within striking range. She would tell the truth there was no need to lie, but there was another question under the surface, that the King also wanted to know. She would answer them both.
"No, my father never knew her by that name."
"Who?" She had anticipated James asking that questions.
"Her mother" The king whispered, so he had made a guess at who she really was, interesting. The king leaned towards her "You have her eyes" He whispered. Marianissa had known they had met long ago, she wondered what history would have been like if they had followed the path that had been set for them, instead of trying to make their own fate. James looked both incredulous and confused, Marianissa dearly wanted to laugh at him, it was an amazingly handsome look.
"But" James began, but the King held up his hand.
"Before the whole story is told, I think it best we hear the message." Marianissa bowed her head and with her left hand clasped the dagger which soon would mix the blood of both the kind and the prince. After all she needed to keep her promises.
"The message is simply this." With lightening speed she flew at the king. Seconds later the blood of the king and the prince were mingled on the blade in her hand.

Ridiculously Good Looking (Yes I stole this from Zoolander)

On the 19th I am going to a birthday party of a friend, basic enough. The fun (slightly crazy) part is that it is a 80's/Back to the Future party. The first questions I had was what in the world am I going to wear? Typical girl question. I have a couple of different options, the questions is what kind of 80's style do I want to go for? Do I go super punk, with spiked hair, jeans, lots of black and a bad ass attitude? Or do I go as a super fashionable, big hair, bigger shoulder pads and crazy amounts of lace and necklaces, like a Material Girl? Or maybe super prep? Or work out gear withe matching sweat bands and crazy tights? There is so much to choose from.

Of course I grew up in the 80's, there are plenty of pictures of my sister and I in matching floral dresses, with big bows in our hair. And my parents where married in the 80's... huge puffed sleeves, is all I have to say about that. And I love U2, Queen, AC/DC and Led Zeppelin (yes I know they are not all 80's bands, its what I grew up listening too, that and Achy Breaky Heart, but that was after the 80's). And yes I listened too plenty of ABBA and Bon Jovi and Micheal Jackson.

The funny thing is, alot of 80's fashions are coming back, like shoulder pads and legging. Just be sure, no matter what, I will be Ridiculously cool looking. And if you want to talk back I'll reply with (as Marty McFly in Back to the Future) Silence Earthling! My name is Darth Vader. I am an extraterrestrial from the planet Vulcan! (so there)

I Love You Mostly, Most of the Time

Most of the time we love each other
Most of the time its wonderful
Most of the time we kiss and make up
Most of the time its fun

I love you mostly, most of the time
I love the way we never rhyme
Love how silly the two of us are
Hate the way you can mar
I love you mostly, most of the time
And most of the time we're fine
most of the time we're fine

Most of the time you drink too much
Most of the time its horrible
Most of the time your just hate me
Most of the time its bad

Still I love you mostly most of the time
I love the way that we never rhyme
love the way your hand fits in mine
hate the way we pretend to be fine
I love you mostly most of the time
And most of the time its ok
Most of the time we're ok

Mostly you love me
Mostly I love you
Mostly its all alright

I hate you mostly most of the time
I hate the way that we never rhyme
hate the way your hand hits me
loving you still is strangely easy
I hate you mostly most of the time
Still most of the time it ok
Most of the time we're fine
 
Most of the time we love each other
Most of the time its wonderful
Most of the time we kiss and make up
Most of the time its fun

I love you mostly, most of the time
I love the way we never rhyme
Love how silly the two of us are
Hate the way you can mar
I love you mostly, most of the time
And most of the time we're fine
most of the time we're fine

Just Wait

Wait, hold on, just wait
I'm just trying to be
please, please don't remind me
keep my mind free
please, please just wait

History is not free for me
its full of junk I'd rather
I'd rather forget
or could forget, so
hold on, just wait
please, please just wait

In my mind all I remember
I need to work through this
need to figure it all out
need to know where I'm going
I need to be the driver
Or at least the person with the map
emotionally I'm a wreck.

So, hold on, just wait

I'm just trying to be
please, please don't remind me
keep my mind free
please, please just wait

How can I be free?
How can I be healed?
How do I just deal?
How do I trust an
outcome I don't understand?
How can I be free?

So, hold on, just wait

I'm just trying to be
please, please don't remind me
keep my mind free
please, please just wait

Billie Elliot

I'm sure a lot of people have seen the movie of Billie Elliot, but I am ashamed to say that I watch it for the first time last night (thanks to Netflix). I cried a lot, which is normal for me. Its such a beautiful story about family, dream, and finding what makes you happy. The emotions are amazing. The hardships of the time and place that it is set and just the journey of Billie himself makes it a compelling watch. Then there is the dancing. There is this awkward boy dancing his heart out, kicking his heels at the world. Makes me wish I could dance more. Of course, being poor me, I have not seen the musical version of the movie yet either. I hear it is amazing and I'm sure that it is. I've heard the music and it is very good.

What the movie really got me thinking about is my own dreams, my dream of being an actress and writer. If I could have half of the determination of Billie in that movie, I wonder where I would be. I guess I need to kick myself in my butt and get myself going...

Ideas

I sit at my lap top, stare at the blank screen
Some days i quickly fill blank pages
with rambling stories, or poems without rhyme
But today, today...
I have no idea what to write.
It seems my brain is empty
totally void, no ideas

So I'm sitting here writing this useless poem
Because the only idea I currently have is none
Perhaps tomorrow will be better for writing
Maybe tomorrow I'll have an idea what I'm doing...
But tomorrow, the page is still blank, still empty
And I may not have any ideas then
Anyone have any ideas, that I can steal?
Because today, today...
I have no idea what to write.
It seems my brain is empty
totally void, no ideas.