October

Leaves falling, turning, crunching under my feet
the warmth of sunlight, with a chill underneath
the pumpkin orange, apple red
the sky all blue, and leaves yellow
There is just something about October

Sweaters, good books, and warm fires
the last of summer, with the beginning of Winter
grass still green, bark still brown
sky still blue, and sun still yellow
There is just something about the Fall

I watch the earth die, decay
And I laugh with the first Snow
I smile at the briliant colors
blues, oranges, reds, greens
There is just something about October.

Working Lunch

I have this really bad habit of working lunch. I warm up my lunch, start eating and then an email comes in. Its just one email, I can handle one email. Right? Of course before I know it I'm done eating and its 2pm and I never really had a break. I've been doing this a lot lately. Which is in part because I've taken on a lot more work and in part because I'm slowly becoming a work-a-colic.

So today I decided, after answering the third email during lunch, that I needed to not have my email open. My Boss could wait 45mins for an answer on this. I really should take my break. So what am I doing instead. Writing on my blog. Is this a break? No. Is it restful? No. Is it work? well I'm not getting paid for it...

This is the problem. I work so hard during the day, that by the time I get home at night I feel like I deserve to do nothing... and then I do nothing. not healthy. I need to figure out a way to spread myself out more. And get more done once I get home.

Anyone have any suggestions?

I Just Realized

I just realized that I'm not very funny
I think that I am, but I realized I'm not
not really,
I just realized that I'm too oft alone
Its not your fault, but I need a little help
its too easy,
I just realized that I've been waiting
for what I'm not sure, but I'm good at it
really good,
I just realized that I forgot to tell you
I felt that you should have known
obviously,
I just realized that I'm forgetful
of all the important things I should know
...
I just realized that I'm not very funny
You think that I am, but I'm not,
not really
I just realized that I hate my self
not all the time, but right now I do
Really do,
I just realized that I've never stepped out
I just realized that I always back down
I just realized that I'm not very funny
I just realized that I laugh way too much
I just realized I don't get life at all,

not one bit.

The Wander Tells a Tale

(this is a continuation of the Logos epic that I started last week, although the story itself is one that is part of Africa folktale. I wish I could remember which tribe it originated with. We had a story book of this tale growing up)

When I first saw you my dear
your eyes shown green flame
yet and yet
Let us start at the beginning
yes, yes, yes
Once there was a great king
Once there was a rich farmer
The King was lonely, in need of a wife
and the farmer had two daughters
two Beautiful Daughters he had
And the farmer boasted greatly
so greatly as to call them the most beautiful
the most beautiful in all the land

the king wishing a wife
wishing a beautiful wife
decided to see for himself
so in the guise of a old man
he set out to beg at their door

It was a cold night, a bitter night
that brought him out of the wood
a storm was brewing southward
the wind howled as a wolf
the king, knocked at the door
knocked with his wooden staff

The first daughter answered
she was beautiful, pale
her eyes blue grey as fog
her hair yellow like the sun
yet there was a look of discust
at the old beggar before her
"we have nothing for you"
she sneered, a howl of the wind
"Who is it my daughter?"
the farmers voice asked from within
"An old Beggar"
the sneering daughter answered
"Bring him inside"
The daughter frowned
yet she obeyed her father
"come sir, come warm yourself by the fire"
the second daughter sang
a voice like gentle rain
The king hobbled forward
and sat on the stool offered
The second was unlike the first
unlike as two sister could be
Where the first was pale,
the second was bright
where the first has sneered
the second had smiled

Bright flaming green were your eyes that day
bright like two emeralds held in gold
for gold and fire was your hair
orange gold of a bright flame
and your smile was healing
and your hand was gentle

And Yet And yet
let us return to my tale

After spending the night
the king saw beauty
but he was unsure of the hearts
for a queen of his must be of great heart
great heart and great spirit.

So the king became a little snake
and going to the elder
curled up at her feet
awaking with the dawn
the elder screamed in fear
and kicked the little green snake
across the room.
hearing her scream
the younger came running
and finding the little snake
took pitty on it.
against the protests of her sister
gathered the snake up
and took it out to the garden
"You'll have to forgive her
she does not like snakes"
the youngest whispered
as brused snake slithered away.

all that week the king stayed as a snake
when ever the eldest saw him, she ran
yet the youngest sang to him
sang as she worked in the garden

Oh little one, little one
little green snake
guard my garden well
oh little one, little one
you are a blessing
slithering so free
were do you go
when you slither from me?

when the autum came, the little snake vanished

"when you left I went looking for you"
"Shhhh my dear I'm telling a tale"
"well then continue"

 The King returned home in the fall
and sent a summons to the farmer
for him to bring his daughters
and he would make one his wife
the most beautiful his wife
So after gathering the harvest
the farmer prepared to set out
but the night before
the eldest wanting to be queen
left
the morning after found her join
the farmer looked high and low
and seeing the way she went
followed with her sister in tow

The journey was three days

the first night the eldest
stumbling through the trees
met a little child
the little one asked for food
the eldest would give him none

The second night the eldest
before a stream she was stopped
by an old laughing women
who asked for a song
in return for the way across
the eldest would not sing
and decided to wade the river alone

The third night the eldest
tired and hungry
came to the capital city
and was told to wait the night

The first night the youngest
stumbling through the trees
met a little child
and gave it a little bread
the child showed her the way

The second night the youngest
before a laughing brook
sung the song of the little snake
and was shown the way across
by means of a hidden bridge

The third night the youngest
reached the capital city
tired and foot sore
she found her sister crying

"Do not go to the king
oh do not go."
Her sister said sobbing
"He is a monster most horrid
with seven heads
oh sister do not go"

the next morning the sister
not heeding her sister
went before the king
and found her little green snake

"Oh little one! what are you doing?"
The youngest rushed forward
"I am the king," the little snake said
"And the child"  the little child said
"And the old women" the old women said
"And the Beggar" The old beggar said
"And the king" I said to you
I said to you as I took your hand.

"I remember, we were both young then"
"Yes we were young then"
"Yes we were young"

Lugos

{Lugos (or Lugus) is a celtic god who is in part seen as a triad. He is also related to Odin of the Norse mythology. In Ireland as Lugh and the festival Lughnasadah takes place on Aug 1st in Lugh's honor. The below is the beginning of what could be a long poem, my try at an epic perhaps. It is founded in many of the stories that I know or have read about Lugus, Odin, and Lugh, and I'm hopeful that I can add more to it soon.}

I.

Once there were three brothers

no that’s not right

Once there were three men

no that’s not right

Once there was one man

Yes one man

Yet and Yet 

Sometimes he was old

old and wise as a grandfather

Or as a homeless wonderer

wearing a ragged cloak

Knocking at your door 

with a knotted staff

in the dead of night

or during some terrible storm

In he would come, weary, torn

He would eat your porridge

sleep before your fire

morning would come with him gone

Yet and Yet

Sometimes he was young

young and laughing as a child

or some orphaned cherub

with a wicked grin

Knocking over the old men

Stealing apples in the market

found sleep in the hay of some barn

Morning would bring his laughter

back over the dewed grass

Yet and Yet

He was neither young nor old

He was both old and young

Wise as the eldest

declining in the winter of their age

Strong as the warrior

full of valor as the heros of old

a man in the prime of life

with the wisdom of the older

and the fearlessness of the younger

Yes, Yes, Yes

Once there was a man

And he loved me

Once

II.

When I was a old women

sitting on my porch

he came to me as a young child

laughing at my wrinkles

wondering at my creaks

When I was a young girl

playing in the fields

he came to me as an old man

Cried at my freedom

wondered at my prancing

When I was a women

neither young nor old

He came to me as a lover

Charished me only

wondered at my aging

III.

Winter comes again

with the blistering wind

Winter comes again

a lion roaring out

a dragon of ice

a ghosts falling dread

Winter comes again

without you by my side

without thy steal sword

without thy warm hand

without you by my side

Winter comes again

Winter comes again

rushing in from the north

gathering his sister bitter

calling his brother cold

Winter comes again

Winter comes again

and Lugos comes to me

Lugos full of light

Lugos full of shadow

Lugos fully wise

Lugos fully young

Winter comes again

and Lugos laughs

IV.

During the festival of fires

we danced as lovers

around the flames

between flame and shadow

Between flame and moon beam

wise and young 

beautiful and lovely

together among the bonfires

we danced and sang

Oh! Lughnasadah

Oh! Lughnasa

Oh! Lughnasad

Of festival of lights

Of harvest and good things

To Lugh we sung our thanks

With Lugh I danced and sung

He came as an old man

Danced as a young man

left as a child laughing

And I was left weeping

in the smoke of dying flames

As the smoke blew to heaven

And Lugos laughter 

rang back to me over the hills

Oh Lugos, when will you come again?

Oh when will we dance among moon and flame?

Oh when will you come and stay?

Oh When will your strong arm

wrap itself around me again?

Being Indecisive

I'm feeling indecisive today. I'm not even sure what I want to write about. There is the fact that it is fall, and the fall always makes me home sick (more then any other time of year). Or the fact that fall means I will probably not be able to use my nose for the next two or three months (depending on when it starts snowing). Or I could write about my roommates coming home at 1:30am last night and waking me up (screaming and laughing in the kitchen right next to bedroom is not nice...). Or the fact that I still do not have internet set up in my apartment, although Verizon did send out the first bill (fun, fun, fun).

I don't even have a good poem up my sleeve or a short story to pound out in 45 mins. I hate being indecisive.

The funny thing is that I always feel really indecisive after I have made a lot of decisions. And I've made a lot of decisions lately. Renting a car and driving home for the labor day weekend, running a 5k, making a goal of writing at least an hour every night after work, and add all that to a bunch of decisions at work. Perhaps having a little bit of indecisiveness in not a bad thing. And yet I get really annoyed when other people can't, or won't make up their minds. No one wants to step on anyone Else's toes, so no one in a group will put their foot down and decide to do something. My friends from high school were notorious for this, we would end up doing nothing, because none of us (myself included) could make up their minds.

Then of course there is the problem when one person is always making the decisions and plans. I go through fazes when I want to make all the plans and others where I don't want to think and I want someone else to make them all. Does everyone do this? Or am I the only one who just can't make up their mind? Anyone else feeling indecisive today?

Surprising the Family

I did something that I have never done before, I rented a car. OK let me back up and explain why I rented a car. Several weeks ago, I felt like it was time to go home. I had a long weekend coming up and I realized that I was feeling a little home sick. So I did some research and realized that I could get a rental car for the weekend relatively cheap. Renting a car is very interesting, and I lot easier then you would expect. Well minus the whole having to go to the air port part. I got a better rate if I went to the air port Hertz location. So that is were I went.

The important part of weekend was not the renting of the car, although it did make me feel really grown up. The best part was that only my mum knew I was coming home. The rest of my family had no idea. So I drive into the drive way on Friday night and walk up to the back door. The eldest of my two brothers saw me through the window.

"Hello" I say loudly so he will turn around
"Hey" He says automatically and turns back to the conversation he is having with his friend... Then he turns back and stars at me. Like I'm a ghost or something never before seen on the planet. "Wait what are you doing home?" he finally says, while I open the back door laughing. He gives me a hug while I explain.

It turns out that no one else is home, just my one brother and his friend. So we work out how we are going to surprise the next people home (my sister and my other brother). First I drive the car out of sight and bring in my bags. Second I grab a beer and sit down on the couch (out of sight of the back door). While we wait we watch Top Gear (the original British version, not the horrible American want to be) and talk. Finally the car comes into the drive way.

The first person in is my little brother. He bounds right into the living room and sees me. He's eyes get big. I put my finger over my mouth telling him to be quiet, while my other brother and his friend start laughing. Then my sister comes in. She does not walk right into the living room, but rather stands in the doorway. My little brother is jumping in his seat with excitement. and trying not to laugh.

"What in the world is your problem" My sister says seriously, not seeing me. For a while she stands there trying to figure out whats going on. Then I laugh. She looks my way and is floored.

Then my parents get home. My mum walks right into the living room and smiles at me. My dad comes into the house. Grabs talks to my sister for a little while, who is trying to not give away the surprise. Then he walks out and sits on the back porch. So much for having him walk into the living room and seeing me sitting there. So I walk out side and say hello. My father did the opposite of the rest of the family. My Brothers and Sister make a huge deal, start asking questions, laughing. My dad, looks at me, slightly shocked, and says... nothing. In fact he was very quiet that whole night. I guess the surprise worked.

The best part of the whole trip was probably the surprised look on everyone's face Friday night. That made it all worth while. It was also a great weekend to go home. And a really busy weekend. Saturday night was a church dinner (chicken gravy and biscuit), Sunday was church and a shopping trip to the outlets, and Monday a 5k run in a down pour. If only the traffic coming back into Philly had been better. I've never had a traffic jam before the tunnel that lasted all the way into the city before. made my whole trip at least an hour longer. Now I just have to figure out how to get home for thanksgiving.

Protected from the Outside

Thy walls are magificant
Thy boundries well secure
Stone, brick, iron, steel
Protected from the outside

Heart sealed shut
Mind all made up
stone, brick, iron, steel
Protected from the outside

Thy courage is strong
Thy mind is wise
stone, brick, iron, steel
Protected from the outside

Attackers come
Attackers fail
stone, brick, iron, steel
Protected from the outside

Hiding safe in thy walls
feeling safe all on your own
stone, brick, iron, steel
Protected from the outside

Thy facade may crumble
Thy steel may rust
stone, brick, iron, steel
Protected from the outside

Thy courage fails
Thy mind falls
stone, brick, iron, steel
Trapped from the inside

Thy wall gone
Thy mind useless
Love, hope, peace, joy
Protected from thy self.