Almost There

I've been writing a novel for just over a year. Its a crazy kind of life ubsorbing exercise. Its strange how at times writing the story has taken over my life. I read articals and decide whether it is something I can use or not for the story. I think about the characters, dream about what they would say, what they are thinking. At other times my mind wanders away over unexplored fields of creativity and other possibilities. I have to harken back to the story.

I reached the 70,000 words mark last night. Its a scary place to be. Most novels are in the 100,000 and above range. Meaning that in 30,000 words I will be reaching the end of this story and prehaps the largest writing project I have under taken. But reaching the end of the goal is only part of what makes me fearful. When I'm done with the first draft, I'm going to be editing and re-editing and re-writing. As hard as it is for me to make myself write, making myself edit is even harder. Revisions can make you hate the thing you've created, make you despise your writing style. Things that sounded cool in your head, haven't actually translated to the page and you can't seem to make them cool even after the 8th try. Something that was funny earlier is stupid on the 11th time through. And somehow you have missed not one spelling mistake through all of your revisions, but hundreds.

I'm excited and terrified also because one I'm actually done with this monster in the guise of a book, I must share it. I must release it to the wild, where it will be torn at, starved, and possibly die. And even though I try to not think about the future, I wonder if this will be my chance to move from

mediocre nothingness, to recognition. Do I dare to hope or dream of fame? Do I dare wish?

So I continue to write and everyday brings be closer to the realization that this thing that I am creating can't just live on my computer, it must join all the other volumes of written words, good and bad and very ugly. I'm not going to let my fear control me and stop me. I must continue on this path... but I question my mental stability.

'Almost there' I tell myself. I'll worry about the consequences of wishes and hopes later. If this book never gets published, it will live as a testiment of the possibility and work of my creativity. If it is publishes and tanks, I can learn from that. I dare not think what will happen if it does well, but my deep hope is for this. Almost there...