The Only Thing I'm Really Good At.

Give me mercy, give me light, give me everything good and bright
I will take it, I will break it, I will mare it, I'll stomp and smear it
Give me beauty, give me life, give me everything good and bright
I will destroy it, I will try to undo it, I'll stomp and smear it.

Gather all the good things together
to make a good burning fire
Don't you dare give me good things
I can only destroy them
The only thing I'm really good at
is destruction.

show me mercy, show me light, show me everything peaceful and nice
I will see it, I will take it, I will do my darnest to stop and destroy it.
Show me hate, show me darkness, show me everything painful and wrong
I will see it, I will learn it, I will do my darnest to keep and protect it.

Gather all the good things together
to make a good burning fire
Don't you dare give me good things
I can only destroy them
the only thing I'm really good at
is failing.

I showed you hatred, I showed you darkness, I showed you everything wrong
You will see it, you will take it, you will die for it and always destroy it
Show me nails and show me thorns, teach me again that mercy is yours
I will see it, I will learn it, I will bury it deep in my heart.

Gather all the bad thing together
to make a good burning fire
leave me bare don't you dare
not destroy them all
the only thing I'm really good at
is returning.

Bumming it

I'm really good at a couple of things that aren't really that great to be good at. I'm a good procrastinator. I'm good at being annoying. I'm good at been a complete klutz. I'm extremely good at being a bum.

What you ask do I mean by bum? Do I mean someone with little education who sleeps outside and picks garbage for food? No. Do I mean a basically educated person who instead of doing something completely productive, decides to sit and read a book and do two loads of laundry as her days worth of activities. Yes.

That was my Saturday. I slept in, ate some food, took a shower, read several chapters of Lord of the Rings (I'm in the Two Towers currently), did some laundry (which I did not really finish until Sunday when I pulled the second load out and folded it and put it away). Yep that was my day. Now I don't think that it is problematic that I tend to do be a little lazy on the weekends every once in a while. But it is a problem when my Saturday begins to be about the same every week. There are a lot of things I could get done on Saturday, house cleaning, running, writing, calling friends, baking, and, well, anything else that might need to be done, like bills. Nope I would rather just lay in bed reading my book, listening to music with a cat on my lap.

I guess the last couple of weekends I have felt that I deserved to be a 'bum'. That my roommates really should do their own dishes, that I really am too tired to write that much or go for a run. I had a crazy busy stressful week, and thus I deserve a break. The problem is that the world does not take a break. The problem is that my breaks have become the habit. The problem is that I am not getting enough done. (At this point my mother is probably smiling). So I have decided to get more done. I am going to give my self a list to get done on the weekend. And by hell or deep water (or whatever the saying is), I'm going to get it done. Now back to Monday...

Wish me luck...

FRIDAY!

I don't normally get over excited about Fridays. Sure its nice to have the weekend to look forward too. Fridays are nice. Today I need it to be Friday. I need the work week to be over. I need sleep and to eat good food and hang out with friends. I need my weekend.

Yes the this week has been a little stressful. Sure I'm going a little crazy doing excel spread sheets. I have not done this kind of high level graphing since high school. Yiks! At least I'm good at it and hopefully I finish all my work by this afternoon meeting.

Wish me luck! And enjoy your Friday...

I'd Rather Read

I'm re-reading Lord of the Rings (spoiler alert for those of you who have not read or seen it, although most of you probably know the story). I actually have no idea how many times I've read the six books that make up the trilogy. Nor how many times I have read the prequel The Hobit. I'm sure that some people will think me a little weird, but I love to re-read my favorites. In fact most the books I own I have read several times. It does after all seem a little weird to open a book and then not ever read that book again. I also own a lot of plays, which I re-read often, whether I'm looking for a monologue or simply want to re-visit old friends.

Take Lord of the Rings, Tolkien's amazing epic novel which started as bed time stories. There are several characters that feel more like old friends. Sure I know where the story is going. I know that Tom Bombadill will save them from the willow (a part which was not really done in the movie, and Tom's character was cut all together). Or take Bolomir's brother, Faramir. Faramir gets a indecent treatment in the movies, in the book he is all good. He never tries to take the ring, besides the main characters he is one of my favorite.

The main reason for the re-read is probably boredom. Lets face it with out internet in my apartment I can only read or write (not complaining it a very good thing overall). Strangely no matter how many times I read this story I find it highly enveloping. I can read it for hours at a time and never realize how much time has gone past. I find I have forgotten how funny a certain song is, or how terrifying Moria is. It is not really a tale with a happy ending. Rather it is bitter sweet. In fact most of the inner tales told are also bitter sweet. It seems Tolkien was of the same mind set as myself. I hate all happy endings, too often they seem frivolous and un-real. Take the third Pirates movie. Glorious. I have no idea why they would wish to ruin it by making another.

I'm sorry if this post is a little rambling. I reality I just wanted you all to know that although I may read something a million times a good book keeps me coming back. Anyways I would rather read then a lot of other things.

Family and Friends Take 2 (and having no Internet)

My sister visited this past weekend. It was great, and relaxing (read busy) enough to keep my mind of the crazy report I'm building for my CEO. My sister and I are great friends, I know not all siblings are. Yes we fight/yell at each other. Yes we push buttons. Yes we are complete ridicules and always making fun of each other or having fun together. We also like a lot of the same things. So we watched Chocolate and MegaMind Thursday night after getting back from my home group meeting (which means we were up till 2am). Then Friday we went for a hour long hike, went and walked around the mall for an hour, and cleaned my kitchen. Saturday we hung out with her friends from College, which I know feel are my friends (that happens a lot to us). Of course this was the fourth time and three weeks that I have walked around the historical areas, go figure. Its weird being a tourist when you live in the city your 'touring'. Also at some point things get to be the same, you've heard that story about Washington three time in so many weeks. Tell me something new!

The great thing about touring around Philly, is that I like to share my 'favorite spots' this is great. I know just enough to sound like I know what I'm doing. I know where to lead people if they want to do something. Of course there are always things I need to learn (that is the great thing about having new people to try out new things with.

Last week I did not write about my friend, her mother, and my mother visiting, mostly because I felt to crazy. Also by the time I thought about it, I had other things to write about. But in reality the best part of both weekends was not not what we did, but the fact that we got to be together. And lets face it, the more times I can get my sister down here, the more likely I am to convince her that she should move to Philly.

Oh I would also like to state that I currently have no internet in my apartment. I can write during my lunch break at work... but that is it. Hopefully that will get fixed soon.

Visitors

Last weekend my mum, good friend, and her mum can down for the weekend. As I mentioned in earlier post we went to the flower show (my eye is feeling better by the way). Today my sister is coming down to spend the end of her Spring Break with me. For her this means getting out of my parents house and away from our brothers. For me it is the second weekend in a row in which I have played Hostess. Sure I cleaned a lot before my mother came down. No one wants there mother to see how crazy their room is (funny thing is I know my mum is reading this). My sister is not as lucky. She still gets to see a very clean room. But unfortunately I have not had any time in between visitors to do much cleaning.

What is really crazy is the one week that I feel like I need everyday of the work week to get all of my work done, I am only really working 3. Yesterday I had a webinar which took up most of the day. I was able to get most of my every day stuff out of the way, but that is it. The problem is that my CEO, seeing how good I am at spread sheets, decided to give me a huge project. Basically I have to create a report. I actually really enjoy getting the report done, I love organizing numbers, making colorful charts and color coding everything (Its the artist in me). I just wish I had more time.

My college roommate used to say 'if you spill salt you'll soon have visitors.' I'm not sure if this is true, but I think I need a break.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

Allergies

There are some people out there that have more allergies then me. Some people can't even eat the food I eat practically everyday, whether it is fruit, wheat, peanuts, or milk. Others have problems with hay fever or have simple allergies to some kinds of flowers or plants. Others have allergies to bees, hornets, spiders, and other bugs.

I don't really have any food allergies. I can't eat MSG. But that really should not be in our food to begin with. And I might get a weird reaction to a spider bite, but bees and hornets cause no reaction what so ever. My biggest problem is with plants. Every spring when the trees start flowering I get totally stuffed up. My eyes will get puffy and I stop breathing through my nose. This does not really end until the first frost. And if there is mold problems somewhere forget it. I've kind of gotten used to not being able to use my nose.

There are two plants that I really wish I was not allergic to: lavender and Easter lilies. Yes I'm allergic to lavender. It is the only think that I have ever gotten hives from. Its not easy being allergic to lavender either, it shows up everywhere. People seem to think that it is calming and soothing, and thus it needs to be in everything. Shampoo, soap, laundry detergent, perfume, candles, you name it. It might be calming and soothing to you, but to me it is just plain bad.

Easter lilies are not as bad. I have never gotten hives from them. Also most other kinds of lilies are not as bad, I get a little stuffed up, but that is it. My dislike of them has nothing to do with the holiday either. Easter is perhaps one of my favorite church holidays. I grew up helping out at the Easter Pancake breakfast, which meant a early morning and a ton of fun. But actually sitting through a Easter Sunday service is hard for me. Why? Because every church I have ever been to for Easter Service, feels the need to have umpteen million white lilies up front. I guess they look pretty.

I don't want to make this a complaining post, rather I tell you all this because I need you to understand my allergies so I can ask a question. I went to the Flower Show on Saturday and I survived. Through all the bundles of lavender, through all the lilies and who know what other flowers. Sure I was a little stuffed up by the end of the day, but I felt fine without having to take any medication. I figured I had gotten away unscathed. So Sunday when my one eye lid looked a little dry, I did not think anything of it. And Yesterday when it felt scratchy, I did not think anything of it. Today, its puffy, dry, itchy, and just plain annoying. My question is: Is this a delayed reaction to all the wonderful flowers I was around Saturday? Or am I reacting to something else?