Thursday, May 3, 2012

My Very Own Darth

Warning: For those of you who arn't big Star War's fans you might want to skip this post.

I have been a Star War's fan since I was a little kid. It was one of those movies that got you and set your imagination on fire. Even now, although I bemoan the alterations, I still enjoy the movies. I love the characters and in some ways feel like they are old friends. But the best part of the movies are the villians. Complicated, Dark, and scary looking. I still remember how scared I was when Luke went down in the cave after Yoda told him not too. (I watch it now and wish I could get scared). Darth Vader had a sound, a physical presense and no problem killing someone. I loved him.

Skip forward to this week. One of my co-workers is now working from home and I got his Darth Vader. Its a figerine, about 9 inches tall. His cap is stuck billowing out behind him. His light saber is lit. And his hand is in front of him as if he's force choking someone. Right now he is standing on top of my tower on my desk. He looks out on the world spreading fear and hatred. He's amazing.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Polka in the Station

Every morning I take the El from 46th street to 15th. I'm normally half asleep. I usually am slight jostled by a number of people who are also half asleep and on their way to work. Some hold onto travel mugs of coffee as if they are lifelines. Others sleep away the commute, having trained their bodies to wake up at a certain stop. There is an order to things, although it is not spoke of. There are general rules about not touch other people (unless its really crowded then all bets are off). Together a mass of people get on and off and shuffle their way up stairs and down stairs and through turnstiles and around 'slow' people. Migration lines form, as if we were cars and there were lines dividing the lanes. Most morning I join in this migration from apartment to station to train to station to work, like a mindless ant. I'm following a predetermined, set path. I will follow basically the same path every work day with little deviation.

Now normally there are people playing music of some kind or singing in 15th street station. The acoustics in the station are amazing for music. I'm used to hearing music and walking past, with little thought. If I notice a certain song I might smile and find myself singing it later. It I hear something really horrible I steer clear and walk faster. I don't normally have time to stop and take it in, but I enjoy the change it brings to the monotonous commute. Then there is the man playing the polka on the accordion. 

Polka is not something that I grew up with, nor is it my favorite music. However, for some reason, I truly look forward to hearing it every morning. The older, slightly balding, man sits at the bottom of one staircase I go past every day. He sits and plays, truly lost in his music. Nodding thanks to anyone who drops a coin in his hat. Every morning I get off the train and join the throng of people pushing their way up the stairs. I get to the top of the stairs, get out through the turnstiles and start trying to hear the music. Normally I can't hear it till I'm almost to the staircase I have to go down. Every time I pass the accordion player I think of every one of us 'ants' stopping, taking a partner, and dancing the polka. 

I had got so used to this occurrence that I had not really thought of how much that little spark, in a rather dull morning routine, made my day. So yesterday when the accordion player was absent, I missed him. I wanted the polka, I wanted the whine of the accordion, the playful jump of the music. I wanted more then ever for everyone to just stop and break out in dance. No, I do not know the Polka, but man, most mornings I wish I did. And this morning I was very grateful that the accordion player was back playing at his normal spot. Now all I have to do is learn the Polka.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

The Facade

Fallen, skinned and busted,
bloodied, scrapped, and dirty
smiling cause the sun can't hurt me.
smiling cause the pain is real

Bruised, all blue and purple,
red eyed, crying, and blue
laughing cause the wall inside me
laughing cause the words bite

Trapped, harried and hunted,
hiding, trembling, and fearful
singing cause the birds taught me
singing cause the cage is fixed

Dancing, laughing and smiling
singing, pretending, and kind
crying cause the black inside me
crying cause You turned away




Monday, April 16, 2012

Ethical Meat Eating

The New York Times recently held a writing contest to write 600 words about the ethics of eating meat. Unfortunately I found out about the contest after the due date of submissions. Nevertheless I thought it was an interesting question. What makes eating meat Ethical?

Ethically eating meat is hard. If one is on a tight budget and cares a lot about what you eat, it can be nearly impossible. However, I am a firm believer that ethically eating meat is a possibility. The ethics of what you eat really comes down to how you view what you eat. Most would agree that ethical consumption of food includes supporting local agriculture, organic practices, and fair prices for the farmer. Along with this is the production of the food, who picks, cleans, packages, and transports the food stuff.

However, in the case of meat, ethical practices must take in to concentration the care of the animals themselves which are to become meat or are used to produce eggs and milk. This is possibly the hardest part of making meat ethical. A lot of farmers who grass feed their cattle and chickens, already care far better for their animals then 'factory' farms. Cattle are allowed to roam, chickens are allowed to scratch, and both act as they do naturally. Although many large production meat plants do not take into account the fears of the animals, many changes have taken place in the industry to reduce stress and pain to the animals during slaughter. By far most butchers make sure to humanly kill animals. Furthermore, in many cases local, small farmers, take extremely good care of their animals through their whole life spand. They do this because it makes both finical sense and ethical sense. I have an uncle who raises beef cattle. He has named most of his animals, sometimes even the ones that are going to be sent to the butcher get names. Yes, he is raising the cattle for meat. Yes, they will be killed. However, they spend their lives out in a beautiful field in upstate NY, living well until the day comes for them to die. I can't think of a better way to live.

The argument that most will raise at this point is that the animal must die. To this I must state three things. (1) All things must die. Whether it is the spinach in my salad or the cow that my steak is from. Why shouldn't we use what is nutritious for our bodies? (2) Animals are not on the same level as humans. I am sure that there are those out there who disagree. Nevertheless, I think science has yet to put animals above human's in the food chain. And personally I believe that humans have mind and soul higher then animals. (3) Just because I eat meat does not mean that I want to misuse animals. Although animals are lower then humans, I do not believe that we have a right to misuse them. Again I ask, why shouldn't we use what is nutritious for our bodies?

Lastly, I must confront the misconception that it is possible to have a balanced nutritious diet without animal products. If you want to eat natural foods, not synthetically enriched foods, you need to eat animal products. B12 is found naturally only in animal products. If you do not eat meat you have to find a source of B12, either through enriched food or by taking a vitamin. I know in this day and age it is really easy to get a vitamin or enriched cereal, however, I would argue that natural is always better. Plus you are more likely to absorb a vitamin that naturally part of what you are eating, then you are from taking a pill.

Although not everyone wants to eat meat, I think it is very possibly to eat meat ethically. As an important part of natural food, animals products are the only natural source of B12. Yes, ethically eating meat takes more time and energy. Yes, ethical meat can cost more money. Yes, more is needed to make the meat industry ethical overall. However, this does not mean it is wrong or unethical to eat animal products. Rather one must be cognizant of what you are eating, whether it is animal product or not.




Monday, April 9, 2012

Oh My...

a soft glance, a sparkling eye
barely a touch, a brush, a sigh
blushing, fearful, hopeful, shy
a racing heart, and oh my

brushing lips trembling on skin
breath exhaled, a hopeful grin
barely daring a heart to win
and the only question is when

watching others smile and laugh
being another's better half
feeling that I'm only a gaffe
oh to live for another's behalf

a soft glance, a sparkling eye
barely a touch, a brush, a sigh
blushing, fearful, hopeful, shy
a racing heart, and oh my



Sunday, April 8, 2012

Easter

I had one of those 'don't want to get out of bed' mornings this morning. I should have wanted to go to church. Its Easter! Kids hunting for eggs and fellowship with fellow Christians. But this morning I had to dragged myself out of bed in order to get to church on time. I'm glad I went of course. I have found over the years that the days I least feel like going to church, are the days that I really need to go. 

I still feel like I'm hovering slightly out of sync with the world at the moment. I think the main cause for this is that I am still processing several things that have happened this past week. I found out Wednesday that I will be starting a job on the 11th. Friday I went to my first ever Passover Seder at one of my roommates parents. Saturday I delivered meals to the needy in Philly. I'm excited, nervous, scared, and hopeful about the job. I still feel very impacted by the Passover Seder and really wished I could read Hebrew. And I can't seem to get the look of one women we gave a meal to yesterday. Nor the realization of how little impact/knowledge I have of the poor and needy in Philly. 

There is too much in my head this year. I came to church this morning, not sure what to pray about nor how to put everything running around my head in order. I was a mixture of joy, blessing, questions, hopes, dreams, fears, despair, and dejection. I feel like I just can't do enough, but that I am also doing too much. I'm even to the point of not really knowing what to write.

So this Easter, as much as I have been looking forward to it. I also feel like somehow I was not ready for it. I feel like I have been blessed, but also that I have been give a kind of shock. And I have no idea how to balance the two.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

What Strange Blessing

Were you there when they crucified my Lord?


We have reached again the time of year which often gives me pause. Easter.

Were you there when they nailed him to the tree?


The lead up to Easter is so different from the lead up to Christmas. In terms of social views, Christmas is a time of spending a tone of money and advertising starts right after Halloween (or even before). Easter, although plagued also by ads, is very different from Christmas. It is very easy for society to remember Christmas with ease, what is nicer then a baby in a stable, angels, and peace on earth. Even with the politics dictating the need of a Holiday tree, as if that some how makes it more acceptable, the general public has no real problem with the idea of Christmas or the 'holiday season' in general. Although, to go on a small tangent, if we start having Holiday trees, I think they should be put up for every single holiday, just to make it even. For a Holiday tree must be in general for all holidays, right? But I digress...

Were you there when they pierced him in the side?


However easy some find the truth behind the Christmas holiday, few have liked the idea of Easter. I think this is why it has become all about candy and egg hunts and celebrating the good things. Easter is, in reality, a strangely joyfully dark holiday. Palm branches have given way to whips and thorns. The slaughter of the passover lamb is in-acted on the body of God himself. The lead up to Easter is dark. There is slander, betrayal, torture, and death. The only other holiday that I know of to have this dark for story is that of the passover, which is really the practice, or place holder for the later real act. The blood is smeared on the doorways of our souls, so that death will be sent packing.

Were you there when they laid him in the tomb?

The Thursday and Friday before Easter, are for me, a kind of catharsis. Once a year, I spend a good amount of time thinking about and praying about how fallen I am. I think a great deal on the sin of my life and the sin of the world. I feel heavily the burden that this places on my soul. I am reminded of how I called out among the many for his death, that I betrayed, convicted, beat, whipped, scorned, and crucified the man who came to save me. That I do not deserve the life that I am give, nor the blessings that I have so often forgotten. Who am I, what have I done, to deserve the pardon so painfully bought?

Were you there when God Raised Him from the Dead? 


It is only after I mourn my own awful state that I can rejoice Sunday with "He has Risen". I know that joy is coming. That in three days, everything will change. And it is a Strange (although wonderful) Blessing. But for now I feel the denial that to often plagues my lips and the sorrow of my own willfully, fallen ways.

Oh sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble. Were you there when they crucified my Lord?