Quietus

Quietus is (2) a "discharge or release from life". (from Dictionary.com)

From between the silent stars
which coldly hang in the firmament
watching life of blood and pain
the last petal of a rose
a final meal among friends
the sunsets dissolving rays
the curtain's falling billowing folds.

From the shadow between the stars
And returning to that same cold place
Death
A friend and foe
a release, a jail
the finale, the beginning

In the heavens the stars dance
the same circles, the same steps
and all creation breaths
A journey finished and just starting
A white horse, pawing the ground
The falcon's clicking beak
a lion ready to pounce.

Freedom and a haunting glare
the foot steps upon a stone floor
the calling raven's empty song
a fair morning after a wake
Goodbye, fare thee well,
live in our hearts, our minds
find thee, find thee
Quietus

Breakfast for Dinner

When I went grocery shopping today I did not have bacon on my list. I was thinking about soup for dinner. In fact I already had the stew meat, carrots, and potatoes in my basket. I also had cereal, which is my normal Breakfast fare. But when I walked passed the bacon, I found myself staring at the packages as if I had been struck. When was the last time I had bacon?

Without forethought or planning I picked up a package and put it into my basket and made my way to the milk and eggs then towards the register. While waiting in line, I was again thinking about the soup, how I would brown the meat, till it was dripping and sizzling, slight brown, but not cooked through. I thought about pealing and cutting up the potatoes and carrots as I lay them on the conveyer belt. Then my hands found the package of bacon and I found it hard to think of anything else. I was so preocupied that I dropped my credit card, while trying to hand it to the girl at the register. She gave me a annoyed teenage look which made me even more flustered, so that it was not until I got the groceries to the car that I remembered that I had just spend four extra dollars on bacon and I was suppose to be on a diet. 

I wanted right then and there to go back into the store and hand the bacon back. I could say something like, I forgot I already have some I have not used up yet. Or I still have some in the freezer I forgot. But for some reason I could not. Instead I drove out of the grocery store parking lot and headed home, thinking only of the bacon. Till coming round about a mile from my apartment, I remembered the potatoes and carrots and meat, already to be made into soup. And I was back to planning my dinner as normal.

Still when I got inside my apartment I put the carrots, potatoes, and stew meat away first and left the bacon on the table with the eggs. I had finished putting the rest of the groceries away and had pulled a fry pan out before I realized what I was doing. Of course there was nothing for it, but to forget the soup and just have bacon and eggs for dinner. And it was glorious.

Psalm

O God! Wow. Yes wow

Your power is amazing

All the rocks and creatures cry

O God! O Lord! O Father!

Why? 

Why would you pursue me?

go after me as a lion to prey

as a great lioness hunting prey

Or as a bee longs for sweet nectar

dancing after it has been found

Why?

Why am I worth pursuing?

I am simple, of no great worth

I am fallen, dirty, and low

As a dirty child looks up

at the face of a great king

O God! Wow. Yes wow

You see my lowliness

And you call me beautiful

O God! O Lord! O Father!

How amazing such love

How wonderful such joy

How great a God and Lord!

Teaching Knitting

Yesterday night I spent a couple of hours teaching how to knit to a friend of mine. I'm a decent knitter, but I've never taught anyone before. Its hard. Knitting is one of those things that requires a lot of concentration and muscle memory. You have to know my feel how much tension to put on the yarn. You have to get the needle through the loop correctly, bring the yarn around to create a new loop correctly, and somehow keep control of two long pieces of awkward bamboo.

I have knitted enough to be able to do simple patterns with out much thought. I can multi task like a pro. I'm not perfect, but I can usually go back and fix any hugh mistakes. But when you are teaching, you some how have to not only give the basics, hold the needles like so and the yarn goes this way. But there is also the feeling that you some how have to express. Somehow the student has to learn how the tension is suppose to feel, what the rhythm is like. In a way its just like a dance, you have to learn the steps. But knowing the steps means nothing if you can't do them to the music.

Its fun to teach things that you aren't necessarily a export at. Teaching is really the best way to learn your self, to have to express and vocalize what and why you are doing something, makes it sink deeper in. And  hopefully in the future I will have someone to knit with. I love knitting and talking. It makes time go by really fast.

The Spider on the Window Shade

Little bits of light which pass through,
hit and catch in the silken fiber
and the little body curls ready to ponce.
Legs sprawled out, all eight of them
I have not the heart to destroy your art
Have not the heart to tear it down
So little spider on the window shade
what shall I do with you?

Control

It is really easy for me to see if I feel in control of my life or not. When I feel in control my room is neater, I eat better, I run more often, and I get more done. When I feel out of control my room slowly becomes a crazy mess, my eating more filled with junk, I don't run, and I get almost nothing done. I love a little bit of chaos in my life. It just makes it more interesting. And to be honest my room is and never will be spotless (I think that is part of being a creative mind, or at least that is my excuses). 

I actually hate too much control. So when I start feeling out of control, it means things are crazy. Crazy can be a good thing. 

One of the weird things about my messiness, is the it is normally contained to one area (in this case my room). My mum has her sewing room, which is always a little insane. My work area can me spotless, my living-room clean and organized, the dishes done, and my bathroom clean. But at least some part of my domain has to be insane, out of control, and crazy. The size and/or amount of crazy is totally dependent on what else is going on in my life. I'm sure that there is a more scientific or philosophic reason for this need to have craziness. I think it comes from my need to have mayhem. I like mayhem. I like having things out of control and messy. 

I'm not a controlling or A type personality. So why is it that I like something in my life to be out of my control. 

Waiting

Like those who watch the sky for sun's first rays

to breakout against the nights dark hold

Or a man waiting for a promise long foretold

No matter how strange or unlikely

Or the enslaved people hoping for freedom

crying out to a God that promised much.

Like all those waiting for something to happen

Who look for change, cry out for love

As all those who wait with hearts in hands

holding candles with little flames 

As all those who try and can't hear His voice

in the fire, earthquake, or storm.

As all those who see only themselves

and long to see more then just needs

Like all those who wait, on the edge

who long for change, scream out for love

I sit in this never ending night waiting for day

for the first rays of sun to come o'r the hills

I prostrate myself on the floor

wanting to hear the sound of love at the door

I hold the broken parts of my soul

and a candle with little flame

Like all those who wait for something to change

Who hope, and cry, and anguishes for love.