Bumming it

I'm really good at a couple of things that aren't really that great to be good at. I'm a good procrastinator. I'm good at being annoying. I'm good at been a complete klutz. I'm extremely good at being a bum.

What you ask do I mean by bum? Do I mean someone with little education who sleeps outside and picks garbage for food? No. Do I mean a basically educated person who instead of doing something completely productive, decides to sit and read a book and do two loads of laundry as her days worth of activities. Yes.

That was my Saturday. I slept in, ate some food, took a shower, read several chapters of Lord of the Rings (I'm in the Two Towers currently), did some laundry (which I did not really finish until Sunday when I pulled the second load out and folded it and put it away). Yep that was my day. Now I don't think that it is problematic that I tend to do be a little lazy on the weekends every once in a while. But it is a problem when my Saturday begins to be about the same every week. There are a lot of things I could get done on Saturday, house cleaning, running, writing, calling friends, baking, and, well, anything else that might need to be done, like bills. Nope I would rather just lay in bed reading my book, listening to music with a cat on my lap.

I guess the last couple of weekends I have felt that I deserved to be a 'bum'. That my roommates really should do their own dishes, that I really am too tired to write that much or go for a run. I had a crazy busy stressful week, and thus I deserve a break. The problem is that the world does not take a break. The problem is that my breaks have become the habit. The problem is that I am not getting enough done. (At this point my mother is probably smiling). So I have decided to get more done. I am going to give my self a list to get done on the weekend. And by hell or deep water (or whatever the saying is), I'm going to get it done. Now back to Monday...

Wish me luck...

FRIDAY!

I don't normally get over excited about Fridays. Sure its nice to have the weekend to look forward too. Fridays are nice. Today I need it to be Friday. I need the work week to be over. I need sleep and to eat good food and hang out with friends. I need my weekend.

Yes the this week has been a little stressful. Sure I'm going a little crazy doing excel spread sheets. I have not done this kind of high level graphing since high school. Yiks! At least I'm good at it and hopefully I finish all my work by this afternoon meeting.

Wish me luck! And enjoy your Friday...

I'd Rather Read

I'm re-reading Lord of the Rings (spoiler alert for those of you who have not read or seen it, although most of you probably know the story). I actually have no idea how many times I've read the six books that make up the trilogy. Nor how many times I have read the prequel The Hobit. I'm sure that some people will think me a little weird, but I love to re-read my favorites. In fact most the books I own I have read several times. It does after all seem a little weird to open a book and then not ever read that book again. I also own a lot of plays, which I re-read often, whether I'm looking for a monologue or simply want to re-visit old friends.

Take Lord of the Rings, Tolkien's amazing epic novel which started as bed time stories. There are several characters that feel more like old friends. Sure I know where the story is going. I know that Tom Bombadill will save them from the willow (a part which was not really done in the movie, and Tom's character was cut all together). Or take Bolomir's brother, Faramir. Faramir gets a indecent treatment in the movies, in the book he is all good. He never tries to take the ring, besides the main characters he is one of my favorite.

The main reason for the re-read is probably boredom. Lets face it with out internet in my apartment I can only read or write (not complaining it a very good thing overall). Strangely no matter how many times I read this story I find it highly enveloping. I can read it for hours at a time and never realize how much time has gone past. I find I have forgotten how funny a certain song is, or how terrifying Moria is. It is not really a tale with a happy ending. Rather it is bitter sweet. In fact most of the inner tales told are also bitter sweet. It seems Tolkien was of the same mind set as myself. I hate all happy endings, too often they seem frivolous and un-real. Take the third Pirates movie. Glorious. I have no idea why they would wish to ruin it by making another.

I'm sorry if this post is a little rambling. I reality I just wanted you all to know that although I may read something a million times a good book keeps me coming back. Anyways I would rather read then a lot of other things.

Family and Friends Take 2 (and having no Internet)

My sister visited this past weekend. It was great, and relaxing (read busy) enough to keep my mind of the crazy report I'm building for my CEO. My sister and I are great friends, I know not all siblings are. Yes we fight/yell at each other. Yes we push buttons. Yes we are complete ridicules and always making fun of each other or having fun together. We also like a lot of the same things. So we watched Chocolate and MegaMind Thursday night after getting back from my home group meeting (which means we were up till 2am). Then Friday we went for a hour long hike, went and walked around the mall for an hour, and cleaned my kitchen. Saturday we hung out with her friends from College, which I know feel are my friends (that happens a lot to us). Of course this was the fourth time and three weeks that I have walked around the historical areas, go figure. Its weird being a tourist when you live in the city your 'touring'. Also at some point things get to be the same, you've heard that story about Washington three time in so many weeks. Tell me something new!

The great thing about touring around Philly, is that I like to share my 'favorite spots' this is great. I know just enough to sound like I know what I'm doing. I know where to lead people if they want to do something. Of course there are always things I need to learn (that is the great thing about having new people to try out new things with.

Last week I did not write about my friend, her mother, and my mother visiting, mostly because I felt to crazy. Also by the time I thought about it, I had other things to write about. But in reality the best part of both weekends was not not what we did, but the fact that we got to be together. And lets face it, the more times I can get my sister down here, the more likely I am to convince her that she should move to Philly.

Oh I would also like to state that I currently have no internet in my apartment. I can write during my lunch break at work... but that is it. Hopefully that will get fixed soon.

Visitors

Last weekend my mum, good friend, and her mum can down for the weekend. As I mentioned in earlier post we went to the flower show (my eye is feeling better by the way). Today my sister is coming down to spend the end of her Spring Break with me. For her this means getting out of my parents house and away from our brothers. For me it is the second weekend in a row in which I have played Hostess. Sure I cleaned a lot before my mother came down. No one wants there mother to see how crazy their room is (funny thing is I know my mum is reading this). My sister is not as lucky. She still gets to see a very clean room. But unfortunately I have not had any time in between visitors to do much cleaning.

What is really crazy is the one week that I feel like I need everyday of the work week to get all of my work done, I am only really working 3. Yesterday I had a webinar which took up most of the day. I was able to get most of my every day stuff out of the way, but that is it. The problem is that my CEO, seeing how good I am at spread sheets, decided to give me a huge project. Basically I have to create a report. I actually really enjoy getting the report done, I love organizing numbers, making colorful charts and color coding everything (Its the artist in me). I just wish I had more time.

My college roommate used to say 'if you spill salt you'll soon have visitors.' I'm not sure if this is true, but I think I need a break.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

Allergies

There are some people out there that have more allergies then me. Some people can't even eat the food I eat practically everyday, whether it is fruit, wheat, peanuts, or milk. Others have problems with hay fever or have simple allergies to some kinds of flowers or plants. Others have allergies to bees, hornets, spiders, and other bugs.

I don't really have any food allergies. I can't eat MSG. But that really should not be in our food to begin with. And I might get a weird reaction to a spider bite, but bees and hornets cause no reaction what so ever. My biggest problem is with plants. Every spring when the trees start flowering I get totally stuffed up. My eyes will get puffy and I stop breathing through my nose. This does not really end until the first frost. And if there is mold problems somewhere forget it. I've kind of gotten used to not being able to use my nose.

There are two plants that I really wish I was not allergic to: lavender and Easter lilies. Yes I'm allergic to lavender. It is the only think that I have ever gotten hives from. Its not easy being allergic to lavender either, it shows up everywhere. People seem to think that it is calming and soothing, and thus it needs to be in everything. Shampoo, soap, laundry detergent, perfume, candles, you name it. It might be calming and soothing to you, but to me it is just plain bad.

Easter lilies are not as bad. I have never gotten hives from them. Also most other kinds of lilies are not as bad, I get a little stuffed up, but that is it. My dislike of them has nothing to do with the holiday either. Easter is perhaps one of my favorite church holidays. I grew up helping out at the Easter Pancake breakfast, which meant a early morning and a ton of fun. But actually sitting through a Easter Sunday service is hard for me. Why? Because every church I have ever been to for Easter Service, feels the need to have umpteen million white lilies up front. I guess they look pretty.

I don't want to make this a complaining post, rather I tell you all this because I need you to understand my allergies so I can ask a question. I went to the Flower Show on Saturday and I survived. Through all the bundles of lavender, through all the lilies and who know what other flowers. Sure I was a little stuffed up by the end of the day, but I felt fine without having to take any medication. I figured I had gotten away unscathed. So Sunday when my one eye lid looked a little dry, I did not think anything of it. And Yesterday when it felt scratchy, I did not think anything of it. Today, its puffy, dry, itchy, and just plain annoying. My question is: Is this a delayed reaction to all the wonderful flowers I was around Saturday? Or am I reacting to something else?

Spring Ahead

I totally hate when I have to deal with any kind of time change. Going to Ireland the first time it took a total of three days once we were there for me to get myself righted. And then coming back it was about the same. That was a large change. But even a hour different can totally throw me off. Take Springing Forward, which we did Sunday.

Sunday I did not really realize the difference, I had people visiting and did not have to worry about church that morning (we meet in the afternoon with our sister/brother churches). I did not really realize the difference. Today I totally did. Not only am I dealing with a delayed allergic reaction to all the flowers I saw Saturday at the flower show, I am also completely off by a whole hour. Luckily I was only a half an hour late to work (and no one at work really cares that I was late). Yet I just realized at 1pm that I had missed my normal lunch time, by a whole hour.

I am the kind of person who can set a internal clock and operate by that clock. I normally wake up before my alarm clock, I feel when it is time to eat, sleep, leave work. However, if I wanted to change that clock. If I want to wake up earlier, or if I have to Spring Forward, my inside gets all discombobulated. And then I'm in trouble.

Anyone else having a hard Monday Morning?

Plug Me In

Plug me in,
blare music
in my ears
wires and
cords and
microphones
in my ears
out my nose

Plug me in
snake 'round
with wires
and plugs
and
electronic
sounds

Plug me in
light my
night time
don't let
me sleep
my eyes
monitor
my ears
record
my mouth
replys only

Plug me in
let me only
repeat
that which
you want
that which
I hear

Plug me in
let me only
see, understand
that which
you want
that which
you show

Plug me in
decide my reality

What To Give Up

Today is Ash Wednesday, which seems to surprise me ever year. I knew that this week was the week that lent started. I knew that Wednesday would be Ash Wednesday... but I still was suprised this morning when I saw a man walk onto the Subway with a large cross on his forehead. My thought process, when I saw him, went something like this: 'What the...Oh ya...shit I should have thought about it last night and found a church near me to get ash put on my forehead...damn it what the hell am I going to give up for lent.'

Of course I realize I have been swearing a lot in my head lately, or out loud a little bit, so that is the first thing I need to work on. Of course this is something that I want to always be working on, so it can't be the only thing I give up. Last year I had given up Netflix, but in reality that was more because I really did not have the money. I also started working out a lot (mostly because of my roommates). This year I wanted to do something different. I wanted to give up facebook, but seeing as that is at least half of my job every day I figured that it was not really a good idea or a practical one.

Every year my father gives up beer and sweets. Mostly he does this because he needs to loose weight. I think he also might do it to annoy my mother seeing as his birthday is always during lent, and its hard to plan a surprise birthday party when the person its for won't eat the cake. I have never been very good at giving up food.

So I wonder is it so important to give something up? Maybe I should start doing something. Or at least been more particular and aware of what I am doing. So this year for lent I am going to start reading my bible every night. Writing every day but Sunday (in my journal or other places like this blog) and being better at calling my friends and family (which might be the hardest thing for me to do).

What is everyone else doing?

Embers

There was a once a great tree, a great tree
Which stood tall as tall can be, can be
And shaded the ground, the ground
with branches wide and broad, and broad
Birds and beast made homes there, there
The Trees roots were deep and strong, strong
It stood against the wildest storm, wildest storm

Then one branch decided to leave, leave
And down it crashed leaving the rest, the rest
thinking it would become its own tree, tree
The other watched it as it fell, it fell
And together individually began to think, to think
Of standing alone, of being a tree, a tree
But the roots looked up and reminded the whole, whole
You need us to survive, us to grow, to grow

So the other branches waited and decided to watch
But the one branch grew its own roots, roots, roots
Shallow yes, but separate, apart, apart, apart
And it convinced a few to join it, join it, join it
So down two more fell, fell, fell
And the grand tree finally felt bare, bare, bare
Again the roots keep the others together, together
When a storm comes they will all shatter, shatter, shatter

So together through a warm spring, spring, spring
The grand tree, and the branches grew, grew, grew, grew
The gentle rains were easy and kind, kind, kind
And a few birds built nests in fallen branches, branches
And the branches, fallen felt fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine
Then summers heat came, and the rain was gone
And one of the fallen, died of thirst
The branches on grand old tree cried, cried, cried
for there fallen brothers to return, return, return
But the roots remind them they could not
Then a storm came, violent and strong, strong, strong
And two of the fallen fell unable to stand, stand, stand
The branches on the tree told them to stand, get up!
But with out roots, they could not and died
Now the fall came and the bitter cold, cold, cold
And finally the last of the fallen died, a slow death

And the grand tree mourned the fallen,
And the grand tree grew other branches
And the grand tree still stands unbroken
Unbending, unbeatable, rooted deep, strong
But fallen who can say what became of them?

Cold Bike Rides, History, and the Coming Spring

So I spent a little time down near Independence Hall yesterday (that's my bike in the for-ground). The crocus and daffodils are just starting to come up and I am hopeful that there will be flowers soon. I'm already making plans with my roommates for a backyard garden this summer. I figured I would share a couple of pictures from my trip yesterday.

Besides the long very cold bike ride over to the park, it was fun to just hang out after work. It was quiet, other then the traffic, and there was almost no one around.

 

Above is a shot of the National Jewish Museum. Which I have not been in yet (although I would really love to sometime). They have a lit sign that says Only in America, which I thought was interesting. I also got the chance to check out the Presidents House (our what is left of the Presidents House). It is a really intersting look at slavery in the beginning of America and the Slaves who lived with Washington in the house.

 

I always love checking out Philly. Although I wish it was warmer... I think I'll have to go back and check on the flowers in a week or so. I bet they are out or darn close to being.

Well there you have it... Anyone have a favorite place to look at spring flowers in the city? Or which is your favorite, Crocus, Daffodils, or Tulips?

 

Crazy Technology

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” (Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss). 


Yesterday I wrote about learning to not live in my dreams but rather in real life. My sister, via Facebook, told me to not stop dreaming totally, because that would make me boring. My sister has a great way of reminding me of important stuff as well as giving me a hard time (what else are sisters for). But I realized that maybe the point that I was trying to make, was not really the one I wanted to make. Dreams are great. I'm talking about the dreams we have about what we will do when we grow up, who we'll be sometime in the future, and what we want in life. Never giving up on your dreams can be a great thing. 


There is however a danger in Dreams or wishes. First we might spend so much time dreaming that 'real' life means nothing, and we do nothing to get our dreams. This is what I was talking about yesterday. I have found myself living in my head more then in real life. This does not mean I need to stop dreaming necessarily, but that I need to start doing more. You can dream all you want, but if you are not doing something about it, what is the point of the dream?


Second there is the fact that what we dream and what we actually get are never exactly the same. Sometimes this is a good thing. Honestly if I had become the Prima Ballerina I wanted to become when I was a little girl, my life now would be totally different (and not all in good ways). Take for instences that even when I was a 13 or 14 year old I understood that I would have to change a lot (physically) to make it as a ballerina. I love food too much for all that (although that is not the full reason for me stopping ballet). What I started to understand then I totally understand now. Of course Theatre can be just as harsh on body type and 'looks' but in a very differnt way from Ballet. In Ballet critics will call someone way to skinny fat, because they are not really right body wise. In Theatre, we tend to not say things like that. Rather Directors cast the body type they want. So there you go, my dream was to be a Ballerina, now I want to be a director, actor, writer. 


What am I actually doing? Currently I am the Social Media Coordinator for a software company. Talk about doing something that is completely separate from what I wanted to do with my life 'when I grow up'. But then again my job is in part what allows me to pursue theatre, and gives me the skills to promote myself. Want to talk about blogging, Facebooking, Twittering, Linkedin, and faceplated? Ya I get all of that and more. In fact the crazy amount of technology and social ability that some how I managed to learn/find within myself is staggering. Definably if you take in the fact that I was the uncool kid in fifth grade who didn't really start reading till that summer, and was socially awkward. Strange how what we dream can sometimes not be a 'big' enough dream. And as Dr. Seuss says "There is no one alive who is Youer than You" And you might be just perfect for something totally unrelated to what you dreamed you would be doing.

A Different Kind of Life

I watched Toy Story 3 yesterday. I mention this not because I wish to talk endlessly about my childhood, or give you the low down on a movie. I mention it because of the beginning. Movie starts with the audience actually see inside the imagination of Andy. And I must say I felt right at home. Sure, I'm not a kid any more. But that is just the problem, I never grew out of my imagination. Some times this is great, I can get inside a character and live (for a moment) that characters life. Or if I am writing something my imagination does (in its weird way) give me a story and characters and world for that story.

Most of the time however it is not the best thing. Why? Because instead of living my life, I am constantly thinking about a different world, different people, different rules, different me. Basically a different kind of life. I am living inside my imagination just as often as I am living in the world in which I was born, grew up, went to college, and work in. My actually deeds in 'real' life are nothing compared to the breathe and depth of my imaginary ones. No one dreams of normal average ordinary lives. No we want to be the princess, the knight, the hero, the villain, and not have to worry about the normal average things like food, money, work, or our lives.

When I was a kid I dreamed up some of the most elaborate crazy places and stories. I would want to be all the characters, making my sister stand in for the ones I did not want to play at that moment. (mostly the poor prince who my character could beat the crap out of). The tomboy in me has always been kickass. (perhaps that is the reason for all of my strong women characters in the stories I write). Funny because I'm not a feminist (I'll discuss this more some other day). In fact the 'real' me is neither kick ass or cool. I was painfully shy growing up and in a way I still am shy, at least until I get to know someone. Just this morning I was dreaming about different situations at work and how they may play out, each more elaborate then the last. Yesterday I was day dreaming about walking across the African wilderness running from some army, led by a lion I had named Aslan.

See my problem is that I can dream, right side of my brain completely in control, while awake. I even talk out loud to myself (embarrassing). My parents would yell at me when I was a kid (singing/talking in the shower to myself) or simply gave me a hard time about it. I talk out loud less often, but I don't think I'll 'grow' out of it. And that is just the problem. I need to start living my life on earth in the 'real' world. I need to stop escaping to the more exciting unreal stories I can create so easily. I don't need a different kind of life, I need to live the one I have been given. After all doing something ordinary can be rather amazing and dreaming about walking across Africa is not nearly as cool or impressive as actually going to Africa (even if I don't meet a lion named Aslan).