Crazy Technology

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” (Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss). 


Yesterday I wrote about learning to not live in my dreams but rather in real life. My sister, via Facebook, told me to not stop dreaming totally, because that would make me boring. My sister has a great way of reminding me of important stuff as well as giving me a hard time (what else are sisters for). But I realized that maybe the point that I was trying to make, was not really the one I wanted to make. Dreams are great. I'm talking about the dreams we have about what we will do when we grow up, who we'll be sometime in the future, and what we want in life. Never giving up on your dreams can be a great thing. 


There is however a danger in Dreams or wishes. First we might spend so much time dreaming that 'real' life means nothing, and we do nothing to get our dreams. This is what I was talking about yesterday. I have found myself living in my head more then in real life. This does not mean I need to stop dreaming necessarily, but that I need to start doing more. You can dream all you want, but if you are not doing something about it, what is the point of the dream?


Second there is the fact that what we dream and what we actually get are never exactly the same. Sometimes this is a good thing. Honestly if I had become the Prima Ballerina I wanted to become when I was a little girl, my life now would be totally different (and not all in good ways). Take for instences that even when I was a 13 or 14 year old I understood that I would have to change a lot (physically) to make it as a ballerina. I love food too much for all that (although that is not the full reason for me stopping ballet). What I started to understand then I totally understand now. Of course Theatre can be just as harsh on body type and 'looks' but in a very differnt way from Ballet. In Ballet critics will call someone way to skinny fat, because they are not really right body wise. In Theatre, we tend to not say things like that. Rather Directors cast the body type they want. So there you go, my dream was to be a Ballerina, now I want to be a director, actor, writer. 


What am I actually doing? Currently I am the Social Media Coordinator for a software company. Talk about doing something that is completely separate from what I wanted to do with my life 'when I grow up'. But then again my job is in part what allows me to pursue theatre, and gives me the skills to promote myself. Want to talk about blogging, Facebooking, Twittering, Linkedin, and faceplated? Ya I get all of that and more. In fact the crazy amount of technology and social ability that some how I managed to learn/find within myself is staggering. Definably if you take in the fact that I was the uncool kid in fifth grade who didn't really start reading till that summer, and was socially awkward. Strange how what we dream can sometimes not be a 'big' enough dream. And as Dr. Seuss says "There is no one alive who is Youer than You" And you might be just perfect for something totally unrelated to what you dreamed you would be doing.

A Different Kind of Life

I watched Toy Story 3 yesterday. I mention this not because I wish to talk endlessly about my childhood, or give you the low down on a movie. I mention it because of the beginning. Movie starts with the audience actually see inside the imagination of Andy. And I must say I felt right at home. Sure, I'm not a kid any more. But that is just the problem, I never grew out of my imagination. Some times this is great, I can get inside a character and live (for a moment) that characters life. Or if I am writing something my imagination does (in its weird way) give me a story and characters and world for that story.

Most of the time however it is not the best thing. Why? Because instead of living my life, I am constantly thinking about a different world, different people, different rules, different me. Basically a different kind of life. I am living inside my imagination just as often as I am living in the world in which I was born, grew up, went to college, and work in. My actually deeds in 'real' life are nothing compared to the breathe and depth of my imaginary ones. No one dreams of normal average ordinary lives. No we want to be the princess, the knight, the hero, the villain, and not have to worry about the normal average things like food, money, work, or our lives.

When I was a kid I dreamed up some of the most elaborate crazy places and stories. I would want to be all the characters, making my sister stand in for the ones I did not want to play at that moment. (mostly the poor prince who my character could beat the crap out of). The tomboy in me has always been kickass. (perhaps that is the reason for all of my strong women characters in the stories I write). Funny because I'm not a feminist (I'll discuss this more some other day). In fact the 'real' me is neither kick ass or cool. I was painfully shy growing up and in a way I still am shy, at least until I get to know someone. Just this morning I was dreaming about different situations at work and how they may play out, each more elaborate then the last. Yesterday I was day dreaming about walking across the African wilderness running from some army, led by a lion I had named Aslan.

See my problem is that I can dream, right side of my brain completely in control, while awake. I even talk out loud to myself (embarrassing). My parents would yell at me when I was a kid (singing/talking in the shower to myself) or simply gave me a hard time about it. I talk out loud less often, but I don't think I'll 'grow' out of it. And that is just the problem. I need to start living my life on earth in the 'real' world. I need to stop escaping to the more exciting unreal stories I can create so easily. I don't need a different kind of life, I need to live the one I have been given. After all doing something ordinary can be rather amazing and dreaming about walking across Africa is not nearly as cool or impressive as actually going to Africa (even if I don't meet a lion named Aslan).

Sudan and Other Thoughts for Monday

My thoughts are a little all over the place today. I apologies if I seem random or am hard to follow. I'll try to be as organized as possible... but who knows.

First of all I have to tell you all about my Sunday. I woke up at 7ish, took a shower pulled on some comfortable but nice looking cloths, blow dyed my hair and even did some makeup. I ate breakfast and drank a cup of very strong earl grey tea. Then just before 8:30 I pulled on my coat, tied my scarf around my neck, put my hat on, put my helmet over my hat, swung my messenger bag around my shoulder and after make sure I had my keys, when outside. Next I unlocked my bike, which has been resting on our front porch all winter (and it is rather dirty because of that, although not as rusty as I thought it would be). Bike Unlocked I picked it half up and trudged down the steps.

The ride to church was a good one. I was perhaps a little out of breath, but it is a 25 minute ride to Church so being out of breath at the end was not all bad. In fact it took me less time then I thought it would. I locked up my bike and wondered into the church and sat down to wait a moment. 10 minutes later myself and a couple of others headed into one of the classrooms and sat down to have a prayer meeting for missions.

At this point I need to take my first random tangent. At the meeting we talked about a up coming mission trip that Liberti is doing to South Sudan this summer. Its a little crazy, since South Sudan is become independent in July and the trip would be in August. Crazier still I really want to go. Not sure what I have to offer on a trip were they want to train doctors and teachers...Theatre anyone? Also such a trip would cost a whole lot of money... over $1000 round trip just for airfare. Also who knows it I could get off for two weeks.

So any ways I'll have to leave that for now. After the prayer meeting I went into the gym for church. I found a seat, got a cup of tea, and chatted before service began. Half way through the second song my cell phone went off. luckily I had my phone on vibrate. I ignored it, seeing as it was from the director of the show I'm doing at the moment and new it could wait. During the annoucements I listened to the voicemail, nothing important. however, I kept my phone out, so I could check the time. A couple of more songs a prayer later, it was just before 11am, the sermon was just going to start, and I had to leave.

My bike ride to the theatre for rehearsal from the church did not take long. I got there before anyone else. met with a magazine writer, got inside the theatre, waited for everyone else to show up, had rehearsal (which went really well), bullshitted for a few minutes after rehearsal, got on my bike and headed home. I got home around 3ish. The rest of the day was not very eventful, I took a short nap, watched a movie, talked with one of my roomates and went to bed around 10.

Questions I'm thinking through at the moment:

Why am I so crazy?
Should I go to Sudan?
And why in the world am I feeling so random this morning?

Feel free to chime in...

Give Me My Life Back

Give me my life back
the one you hijacked
the one you took
the one you tricked
me to give over to you

Give me my life back
I want the control
I want what I want
I need the plan
so I know where to go

Give me my life back
or I'll say you don't exsist
or I'll curse and throw a fit
or I'll, I'll, I'll
just please give it back

Give me my life back
so I can mess it up
so I can take the blame
so I can run crying
in too your arms when I mess up

I'll give you my life back
because I should not be in charge
because I just mess it up
because you are God

Rehearsal

I hate blocking rehearsals. Well that is not completely true. As an actor I actually really like blocking rehearsals. Sure they can be long and its hard to act and remember where in the world you are suppose to go. But as an actor blocking is great for building a character. The Director tells you were to go and its your job to give that movement motivation.

So the only time I really hate blocking rehearsals is when I am not acting. Like if your stage managing and you have to write down everything. And once you get it written all down, it will more then likely change. The last time I SM I '-re-organized' my script five times just because of blocking changes (That means taking a script that is almost impossible to read because of the number of times I had to make changes, and re-writing all of the information into a new script, making it easier to read, that is until I have to change something again).

Then there is the Director's blocking rehearsals. A director does not come to the rehearsal with nothing, no the director usually knows what they want, even if it is really ruff. Thus the reason why I hate Blocking rehearsals, as a director I want the choices of movement to come from the actors, not me. Sure I might have some basic ideas of pictures at some moment in the play. But other then that...

This is why I hate blocking rehearsals, getting actors to make good choices all on there own is hard. Yes I am selling actors a little short. I am an actor I love it when a director can give me exactly what he is looking for and tell me when to move and how. I really love it when the director works off of my own movement (which is how I want to direct).

Tonight I have a blocking rehearsal for a play I wrote (and a couple plays I am helping with). Lucky for me I have a good idea of what I am going to be doing and what I want it too look like. (Also it is a short play). Of course after tonight we move into my favorite rehearsals, changing everything and finding characters!

Stop Wishing for Snow Already

Friday last week was wonderful. 65 degrees sunny, blue sky and the promise of spring that was on its way. However by Friday night the winds picked up and as the temperature dropped I realized that winter was not done with us yet. Saturday morning when I went for my run, it was almost as if we had not had 65 degree weather the day before, rather it seemed like winter. I went for a run, which left me feeling very wind blown and cold. I called my parents and found out that they were having white out conditions and about 6 inches of snow.

I wished for snow. I did. So this morning when I woke up to about 4 inches I had to kick myself. Of course I had to wish for snow. And what happens? I get snow. I guess if I want Spring to come at all I need to stop wishing for snow and start wishing for flowers and butterflies... The sad thing is I kind of still want snow.

Broken

ass, angering, after-wards, after-thought, 
Broke broken breaking bending battered bursting breach
crush crashing crack chip cutting cut clout cuff control
dash, dished, damned, damning, damn
effing
f----
gone, going, grimacing
hug hung hanging hoping? Healing?
ignore, ignorance, illiteracy, innocent?
jeering jarring jammed
kept, keeping
longing, leering, laughing, lingering
masked, marvolus, more, me, more, more, more
never, needing, now, needed, need, need, need
open, over, omnipotent, omniscient,
power powerless poor pouring past
quick, quiet, question
remember, real, realize, rung, ringing, run
sail, sailing, singing, sung, sighing, slow,
time timeless timing, truth, tearing taring
under unless unneeded unwanted unless
victor, victorious, vicious, very victom
wondering wandoring wander win was when where why?
x
yet
zappy, zazzy, zek, zoetic, zone, zygnomic zeroable zero